When my daughter started preschool, I was taken aback by a sharing policy they had in place. The rule was simple: If a child was playing with a toy, they weren’t obligated to share it just because another child asked. They had the option to share, but if they were engaged in play and didn’t want to give it up, they could simply say no.
This concept was a revelation for me. Growing up in the ’80s and ’90s, I was raised with the mantra of “sharing is caring” ingrained in my brain. I remember gasping in surprise when I heard about this policy. However, the preschool staff explained that implementing this rule significantly reduced conflicts, tattling, and the general chaos that often accompanies a group of preschoolers.
Understanding Personal Boundaries
Let’s consider this scenario: you’re at your favorite café, enjoying a hot beverage while working on your laptop. Suddenly, a stranger approaches and demands a turn on your device. You’d understandably refuse, stating, “No, this is mine.” Then, the stranger goes to the barista, who intervenes and takes your laptop to hand it over to them. Absurd, right? So why do we insist on making our kids share everything all the time?
In reality, being forced to share can be quite unreasonable. As adults, we don’t share our personal belongings—our pets, our furniture, or even our partners. I’m not suggesting that we shouldn’t share public items, like playground equipment. If my child is monopolizing a swing while others wait, I’ll certainly encourage her to let someone else have a turn—that’s a different situation entirely.
What I’m advocating for is the importance of personal boundaries. Yes, sharing is a valuable lesson for kids, but it shouldn’t be enforced at all times. I want my children to grow into adults who can assess situations and set boundaries. It’s perfectly acceptable to say “no” when you’re not inclined to share your activities, time, or belongings. As adults, we often have to prioritize our own needs and say, “I can’t help right now, but I can assist later.”
Teaching Empathy and Generosity
I can’t help but wonder if my tendency to be a people-pleaser stems from growing up with the constant pressure to share. And let’s be honest, as a mom, interruptions are a daily occurrence—my personal space is often invaded, which complicates things.
I certainly don’t want to raise self-centered children who never share. My goal is to instill in them the values of empathy and generosity. We actively participate in charitable acts and support friends in need. We teach our kids that sharing is essential, but not at the expense of their autonomy. Life isn’t always fair, and I’m okay with that. I would rather they learn that early on, so they are better equipped to handle life’s unfairness later in life.
Imagine if more preschools adopted this approach, teaching kids that they can’t always have what they want when they want it. Perhaps we’d see a generation with a better understanding of patience and empathy. It’s about teaching them to respect both their own needs and those of others.
The Value of Encouragement Over Coercion
If you have an abundance of something and can share, that’s great. It feels fulfilling to bring joy to others. However, forcing it can create resentment rather than kindness. Kids inherently understand the value of sharing; they just need encouragement, not coercion.
In summary, I am advocating for a balanced approach to sharing that respects children’s boundaries while still fostering empathy. By allowing kids to navigate this complex social skill without constant pressure, we prepare them for a more understanding and patient adulthood.
For more insights on family dynamics, check out our post on home insemination kits at Make a Mom. Also, for an excellent resource on the IVF process, visit Parents.com. For additional discussions on parenting and boundaries, see this authoritative piece at Modern Family Blog.