Parenting Insights
By: Jessica Lane
Updated: Feb. 12, 2021
Originally Published: November 15, 2017
I find myself questioning whether this is a clever parenting tactic or just me sliding down the path of indifference, but I’ve finally given up on the shoelaces.
My eldest son strolls around all day with his shoes untied, and it drives me absolutely bonkers. My worry is that one day he’ll trip and fall, potentially hurting himself over those darn laces. It’s infuriating because he ends up ruining the laces, which, of course, adds another item to my already lengthy to-do list: “find shoelaces.” And let’s not forget the time his laces got caught in an escalator, forcing us to remove his shoe to avoid a potential disaster. I was left to engineer a way to free the lace while dodging countless shoppers.
At 10 years old, he’s reached that stage where everything I say feels like nagging. The untied shoes, his disorganized handwriting, clothes strewn about, hair that’s begging for a comb, and plates that never make it to the sink—each of these issues has become a monotonous reminder of my role as the nagging parent. But at this age, he’s exploring his identity, and perhaps it’s time I step back and let him navigate this journey without my incessant reminders.
When we think about nurturing our children’s growth, we often envision them blossoming into their finest selves. They might become more organized, excel in sports, or develop the kindness that comes with maturity. However, we seldom consider that part of this journey involves allowing them to embrace their less-than-stellar traits as well. While we can guide them in completing homework, instill kindness, and encourage them to tie their shoelaces, there comes a time when they must take responsibility for their actions.
So, if you catch sight of a lively child with messy blonde hair and untied shoelaces wandering down the street, he’s mine. He’s clever, energetic, emotional, and yes, messy—moving at a pace that often leaves him little time to showcase his beautiful stories, let alone his handwriting.
You might feel compelled to tell him to tie his shoes, and go ahead if you wish, but don’t be surprised if he doesn’t heed your advice. He may trip or get his laces caught again, and you might wonder why I don’t make him tie them. But then you might glance at your own child’s untied shoes or unkempt hair and remember that part of parenting is about allowing them to stumble and learn.
There’s no satisfaction in saying, “I told you so”—only the realization that no child heads off to college with untied shoes. At least, that’s my mantra as I resist the urge to tell him to stop and tie his laces.
For those interested in expanding their family, check out this post about at-home insemination kits, as well as this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, letting our children navigate their own paths—even with the occasional stumble—can be a crucial part of their growth. It’s about finding a balance between guidance and independence, allowing them to learn from their experiences, shoelaces and all.