Navigating conversations with a friend who has a chronic illness can be challenging. While it’s instinctual to support someone with a common cold by sending a thoughtful message or offering to help out, the same doesn’t always apply when it comes to moms dealing with chronic conditions. As someone who has battled fibromyalgia since my teenage years, I can attest to the unique struggles we face.
Living with a chronic illness often feels like being on a different planet than other mothers. Many well-meaning friends may not realize that something as simple as picking up a toy can be daunting on tough days. They may not understand why a quick trip to the grocery store feels like a monumental task, or why I might decline an outing due to something as seemingly innocuous as the weather.
Here are five things to steer clear of saying to a mom struggling with a chronic illness — along with one supportive phrase to keep in mind instead.
1. “I’m so happy you’re better now.”
This phrase can sting. Many chronic illnesses are invisible, leading people to assume that if I look fine, I must be feeling fine. Instead, ask how your friend truly is feeling, acknowledging that their experience may be far from what it appears.
2. “When do you plan to return to work?”
This question can be particularly painful for those who have had to step back from their careers. It’s a sensitive topic, often tied to feelings of loss and inadequacy. Instead, check in on their health status without bringing work into the conversation, unless you have a close relationship.
3. “Let me know if you need help.”
While this sounds kind, it can feel vague and insincere. Offer specific forms of assistance instead. For example, you might say, “I can help with grocery shopping on Wednesdays if you need it.” This shows that you genuinely want to help and makes it easier for them to accept your support.
4. “At least you get to stay home with your kids.”
While there is a silver lining in being present for your children, it’s crucial to remember that this situation may not have been a choice. Many moms with chronic illnesses want to participate fully in their children’s lives but face limitations. Acknowledge their feelings instead and talk about something neutral.
5. “When are you having another baby?”
Asking about expanding a family can be a delicate matter, especially when chronic health issues are involved. Unless you’re very close to the person, it’s best to avoid this question to prevent discomfort.
Remember, every individual’s experience with chronic illness is different, and the above suggestions may not apply to everyone. If you do slip up and say something inappropriate, don’t panic. The most important thing is to show you care through your actions. If you’re unsure of what to say, focus on helping in practical ways and gradually build a deeper understanding of their situation.
Ultimately, the best thing to say is, “I’m here for you. How can I help?” This simple phrase opens the door for conversation and lets your friend know they are not alone. For more insights on navigating family dynamics, consider checking out this post on home insemination at Make A Mom. You can also explore resources on in vitro fertilization here.
In summary, being a supportive friend to a mom with a chronic illness requires empathy, understanding, and a willingness to help in meaningful ways. Avoiding certain phrases can prevent hurt feelings, while a genuine offer of assistance can be invaluable.