Yesterday marked Canadian Thanksgiving—a holiday that might be unfamiliar to many Americans. The tradition takes place in October up North. We set off to visit my sister and brother-in-law, and the car ride was nothing short of chaotic.
Imagine two screaming children confined in a car for an hour. It was as bad as it sounds. The kids had missed their naps, leading to a meltdown of epic proportions. My son, Jacob, had just recovered from a throat infection, while my daughter, Emma, had decided that car rides were the bane of her existence.
My stepson tried valiantly to soothe Emma, but she was having none of it. I hoped once we arrived, the situation would improve. Everyone was eager to escape the car, including the adults and the teenager.
Initially, things seemed promising. My sister-in-law offered me some rum, Emma dozed off in her car seat, and Jacob was off exploring upstairs with his brother. For a moment, I felt like a functioning adult again. But as guests began to arrive, Jacob quickly grew restless. Soon, he was crying, flopping to the floor, and shrieking.
While the adults were engaged in conversations about travel and university plans, I was left chasing around a toddler, attempting to keep him entertained in a room full of older kids. It was an awkward situation, to say the least, especially since Jacob was the only little one having a meltdown.
Here are the autism-specific reasons we had to leave the party early:
- TV Lost Its Appeal
One of the few ways to calm Jacob is by allowing him to watch TV. It worked for a short while, but when he refused to be comforted any longer, we knew it was time to go. I once thought I would be a mom who limited screen time, and parenting has proven to be anything but easy. - Jacob Is Nonverbal
Jacob’s inability to communicate verbally makes it challenging to understand his needs. Unless you’ve spent significant time with him (which is mostly just my husband, my mother, and my brother), it’s tough to decipher what he wants. With his arm-flapping and escalating agitation, this can create a frustrating environment, especially when surrounded by people who may not grasp his needs. - Difficulty Coping with Change
Unlike Emma, who can sleep anywhere, Jacob requires his crib. He often struggles to settle down in unfamiliar places and will resist sleep even if he’s exhausted. Without a crib available, we were left with a very upset Jacob. - Hyperactivity
As mentioned, Jacob is highly energetic. The only way to keep him still for a few moments is with a screen. Otherwise, he’s constantly on the move, making it nearly impossible to enjoy a family meal unless he’s strapped into a high chair. If there isn’t one available, family dinner is off the table. - Need for Baby-Proofing
Jacob, at almost 2 years old, still requires a baby-proofed environment, which most homes lack. He doesn’t understand the dangers around him, whether it’s sharp objects or hot surfaces. This necessitates constant supervision, further complicating situations like holiday gatherings.
Thus, we made the decision to leave the Thanksgiving party early. My in-laws were incredibly understanding and even sent us home with some food, ensuring we wouldn’t feel pressured about our early exit. As we drove away, I felt a weight lift off my chest, even though the kids continued to fuss in the car. At least we weren’t disturbing others.
Living with autism can be challenging, especially when combined with the typical toddler struggles. My advice for anyone in similar situations is to host gatherings at your own home if possible. If not, try to recreate your home environment—bringing familiar toys or a Pack ‘n Play can make all the difference. Planning ahead, like bringing a portable crib, might have helped us.
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In summary, navigating holiday gatherings with children, especially those with special needs, can be quite the challenge. However, with preparation and understanding, it’s possible to create a more enjoyable experience for everyone involved.