In a recent morning routine, my daughter overslept for school, spent too much time in the bathroom, and then expected me to whip up her lunch. But that wasn’t happening. You see, I had already asked her the night before to prepare it. “Please pack your lunch for tomorrow,” I had said.
“I’ll do it in the morning,” she replied.
“We’ve been down that road, and it always ends in chaos. It’s best if you handle it the night before,” I reminded her. Yet, she didn’t listen, and I chose not to remind her again. I believe that natural consequences teach better lessons than nagging ever could. So, when she complained about her rushed breakfast, I stood firm.
It wasn’t easy to refuse her request, but if my children don’t adhere to the guidelines we set, it’s not my role to accommodate them. If I relax the rules, they start to view them as mere suggestions, and that leads to chaos. By not constantly rescuing them, I’m helping them learn valuable lessons while the stakes are still manageable.
Sure, I felt a pang of guilt as I sent her off with only an apple and a granola bar, knowing I could have prepared a full lunch. But guess what? That was the last time she forgot her lunch. Now, she diligently packs her lunchbox every evening after dinner. This experience reinforced the idea that rules are important and that some lessons are best learned through experience.
There was a time when I did too much for my kids, almost like a doormat. Looking back, I realize that life is far better when you don’t raise entitled children because you did everything for them.
Do they get frustrated with me? Absolutely. Do I feel guilty sometimes? For sure. But have they started to appreciate my role more now that they understand I won’t make their lives too easy? Definitely. I still believe I deserve more gratitude (welcome to parenthood!), but the fact that they are becoming more self-sufficient has led to a happier household.
My kids may not be perfect, and neither am I. We all have our moments, but they now know that if they don’t uphold their responsibilities, treat me with respect, and tidy up after themselves, there are consequences. For instance, I won’t just buy them those trendy shoes that everyone else has.
We function as a team; they need to contribute just as much as I do. If they notice me struggling and offer assistance, it’s always appreciated. But if I’m going to go out of my way for them, I expect their gratitude in return.
We tend to value what we earn. We grow to appreciate those who support us in reaching our goals (or in making our own sandwiches). There’s a sense of pride in being self-sufficient, and it dramatically boosts kids’ self-esteem when they realize their own capabilities. Yes, they may roll their eyes from time to time, but deep down, they feel accomplished.
Shifting your parenting approach from doing everything for your kids to teaching them self-reliance is a difficult transition. I wasn’t always adept at this; it was often easier to just handle chores myself than deal with complaints about the workload. However, after weeks of feeling unappreciated, I decided it was time for a pivotal change.
I took responsibility and set firmer boundaries. I told them, “I can’t do that, but I know you can handle it yourself.” This change has given me more time to scroll through social media or plan coffee dates with friends, all while lightening my mental and physical load. It’s also teaching my kids the value of hard work and appreciation, and let me tell you, it feels incredibly rewarding.
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In summary, empowering your children to take responsibility for themselves not only fosters appreciation but also cultivates independence and self-confidence. While it may be challenging initially, the rewards are well worth the effort.