My spouse and I have embarked on nearly ten years of marriage together. Throughout this journey, we’ve experienced incredible highs and some challenging lows, during which we sometimes questioned the strength of our bond. There are moments when I look at him and feel certain that marrying him was the wisest choice I’ve ever made. Yet there have also been times when he felt more like a housemate than a partner.
Some days I feel an unbreakable connection with him, while on others, we might as well be strangers sharing a bed. We’ve learned a great deal about the complexities of marriage, and while we are by no means flawless, we have matured significantly. Here are nine essential insights we’ve gathered about marriage:
1. Intimacy Trumps Sex
There will be phases when your sexual relationship feels stagnant, particularly with young children in the mix. However, daily intimacy is vital. Never underestimate the impact of a genuine kiss, playful flirting, a comforting hug, or even a spontaneous playful gesture.
2. Avoid Starting the Day with Anger
While many encourage you not to go to bed angry, I’ve found that beginning the day on a sour note can be even worse. When you’re irritable with your partner, even the smallest things can escalate your annoyance. Instead, kick off your morning with kindness—make them coffee, share compliments, or simply strive for a positive tone.
3. Romantic Love Requires Effort
Surprise! The love shared with your spouse isn’t unconditional in the same way that your love for your children is. It needs to be nurtured continually. Taking your partner for granted can lead to a decline in that romantic spark. Make it a priority to invest time in each other and revisit the reasons you fell in love.
4. Repetition Can Dull Affection
Saying “I love you” too often can lead to it feeling routine. If you’re not naturally romantic, consider alternatives to express your feelings, like “I’m grateful to share my life with you” or “You make my life so much better.” These phrases can reinvigorate your connection.
5. Stress Often Misplaced
We sometimes vent our frustrations on those closest to us because we know they will still love us. However, that’s never an excuse for unkind behavior. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, take a walk, find a quiet space, or confide in a friend. Prioritize calming down before engaging in a conversation you might regret.
6. Balance Time Together and Apart
As someone who thrives on solitude, I find that my mental well-being improves when I have time alone. Recognize that your spouse may need their space as well. Prioritizing both personal health and shared experiences, like a cozy picnic in the living room, can foster appreciation for one another.
7. Communication is Crucial
When I say communication is essential, I mean it’s the foundation of your relationship. Your partner cannot read your mind. Cultivate comfort in expressing your needs, feelings, and aspirations. Be creative—whether that means texting, writing notes, or even using signals. Your marriage depends on open dialogue.
8. Support Without Keeping Score
No one should shoulder all the responsibilities in a marriage. Both partners should actively contribute and listen to each other’s needs. It’s about teamwork and support, not about tallying who does what. Sometimes, just being there for your spouse is enough.
9. Embrace Humor
Strive to find joy and laughter together. If you can discover the humor in any situation, life becomes less burdensome. While it’s a cliché, every marriage does require effort, fairness, communication, and a good dose of laughter.
Every marriage goes through various seasons, some of which can be quite challenging. On tough days, all you can do is try your best. Fortunately, even a small effort can lead to significant rewards. For additional insights on family planning, check out this link to modernfamilyblog.com. For those considering home insemination, make sure to visit Make a Mom for resources, and for broader information about pregnancy, refer to the CDC.
Summary
Marriage is a complex journey filled with highs and lows. Through nearly a decade together, I’ve learned critical lessons about intimacy, communication, and the importance of humor. Navigating these insights can strengthen your bond and enhance your relationship.