As we observe October’s Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I feel a deep need to share my journey. It took years of relentless effort to achieve healing and liberation, and it is my mission to use my transformative experience to aid others in recognizing abuse and finding the strength to escape toxic situations.
An Open Letter to My Abuser:
Never did I envision becoming a statistic because of you. I never imagined I would become ensnared in the intricate, yet often misunderstood, reality of domestic violence. I couldn’t fathom that I would be a woman subjected to physical, verbal, and emotional abuse. I never thought I would wake up with you looming over me without my consent, be pushed into a busy street in New Orleans, or endure a punch to the face. I never dreamed I would be lifted by my neck in a bathroom corner or find myself pregnant by my abuser.
I never expected to wake up to you attempting to break into my roommate’s home. I could not have predicted sitting on a sidewalk with a compassionate officer encouraging me to report you. I never would have accepted you dragging me down a hall while I was pregnant. During my first pregnancy, I would have never believed I would need to schedule an emergency checkup to ensure our unborn child was still safe after your violence. I was once confident and independent, yet I fell prey to your manipulations—a charming narcissist who drained my spirit. I never imagined my life would be irrevocably altered by domestic violence.
Yet, here we are. Nearly a decade has passed, and I am alive. I am a survivor.
The last time you hurt me, I made a choice. While you were away, I packed my belongings and left, carrying our child safely inside me. My unwavering support system was ready to embrace me after years of isolation. They have loved me through it all.
The final act of violence made me realize I wanted better—for our child and for myself. In a moment of despair, I vowed to our unborn child that they would never believe that such a toxic relationship was normal. I promised to create a loving, stable environment for them, shielding them from your legacy of abuse.
Unfortunately, I did not succeed entirely. I failed to protect our child from the shadows of domestic violence.
Wait. I take that back.
I refuse to carry that blame. I have broken free from your grasp, and you can no longer dominate my thoughts or feelings. I will never allow you to make me feel guilty for your actions. You are the one who failed to protect our child from domestic violence. You assaulted your wife in front of your child. You choked her in their presence. You broke windows in rage. You verbally abused her, and yes, the police were frequently called to your home. You did not show our child how a man should treat a woman, or how a woman should expect to be treated.
You. Failed.
Despite the chaos you inflicted upon our lives, I thank you. Without your abuse, I may not have discovered a resilience within me that I never knew existed. Without your actions, I wouldn’t have recognized my self-worth. I wouldn’t have made a promise to our child—and to myself—that healthy, loving relationships are possible. I wouldn’t be the mother, partner, friend, sister, or person I am today. I wouldn’t have the greatest blessing that emerged from the darkest moments of my life—our child.
To my abuser, I never imagined I would survive to write this letter. Yet, here I am.
Sincerely,
One of Your Victims
P.S. To all victims and survivors of domestic violence: There is hope beyond this nightmare. If you are open to it, happiness awaits. Love can be in your future if you allow yourself to heal. Healthy relationships are attainable if you refuse to let your past define you. Like me, I implore you to find your reason to leave. You deserve so much better.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, please visit the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence for support.
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Summary:
In a poignant open letter, a survivor of domestic violence recounts her harrowing experiences and the journey to reclaiming her life. After enduring years of abuse, she emphasizes the importance of recognizing one’s worth and the possibility of healing. She encourages others in similar situations to seek help and find their strength to escape toxic relationships, underscoring that love and happiness are attainable on the other side of trauma.