Trigger Warning: Discussions of sexual assault.
Scrolling through social media, it’s impossible to ignore the two words that have become a rallying cry: “Me too.” Heartbreaking stories abound, like the woman who shared, “Me too. Since I was 12.” Accounts of child sexual abuse, harassment, and objectification flood my feed, revealing a painful reality. From tales of inappropriate advances in swimming pools to experiences of being reduced to mere objects, these narratives highlight a pervasive culture of disrespect.
It’s easy to feel grateful that I don’t have daughters in this world — a reflexive response when reading the painful experiences shared by fathers of daughters. But I have three sons. Sons who, without proactive guidance, could potentially become the very harassers and aggressors we are trying to combat. This isn’t an indictment of their character; it’s a reflection of the societal norms they’re immersed in as cisgender white males in a world that often diminishes women. The #MeToo movement has shown us just how challenging it is to break free from these harmful ideologies.
I refuse to leave their futures to chance. I am committed to actively teaching them about consent and respect for all individuals, specifically women.
Understanding Consent
Consent begins with understanding their own bodies. It’s not just about the “no one should touch you inappropriately” narrative, though that’s essential. It extends to the idea that no one has the right to touch them in a way that feels uncomfortable. If they don’t want to hug Aunt Linda, even if she tries to guilt them into it, they are under no obligation. We respect their boundaries, even if it’s a simple high-five instead of a hug.
When my sons express a desire for something to stop, it stops — whether it’s tickling or a game. I have to remind everyone in the house that consent is crucial; tickling should only happen if everyone is enjoying it. The moment someone says “stop,” that’s the end of it. We also acknowledge that there are times when we must touch them — like during haircuts or car seat buckling — and we validate their feelings, saying, “I know this isn’t fun, but it’s necessary for your health.”
Modeling Good Behavior
Modeling good behavior is key. We ask for permission before physical affection: “Can I give you a hug?” This playful engagement teaches them how to respectfully approach others for closeness. We make it a game, guessing what they might want when they come to us with open arms, prompting laughter and connection.
When it comes to interactions with others, the message is clear: You do not touch someone who does not want to be touched. This is particularly challenging with three energetic boys who love to wrestle, but we emphasize that roughhousing can still be fun without coercing anyone. They know to ask for consent before engaging in play, and if someone shows discomfort — whether by tensing up or trying to escape — we intervene and halt the activity. Discussions follow, focusing on communication and empathy.
Serious Conversations Ahead
As my sons mature, we will delve into more serious conversations about consent, discussing high-profile cases like Brock Turner, and the implications of substance use on the ability to give consent. These discussions won’t be confined to one sitting; they will evolve organically as life experiences arise. “Did you know that kids used to snap my bra when I was younger?” I’ll say, explaining the harm of such actions and fostering a sense of respect for women.
We’ll also focus on how to stand up for others. While this will largely be my husband’s role, I’ll ensure my sons learn phrases like, “That’s not okay,” and “She’s a person, not an object.” They will practice these statements, preparing them to confront inappropriate behavior among their peers.
Instilling Empathy
Most importantly, I will instill in them the phrase, “I believe you.” When someone confides in them about their experiences with sexual assault, I want them to respond with understanding and support. The #MeToo movement will likely be a distant memory, but the principles of empathy and advocacy should remain ingrained in their identities.
The painful stories circulating due to the #MeToo movement can inspire action rather than despair. It starts in our homes, with a commitment to teaching consent and respect. This is an ongoing journey, and it begins now. For additional resources on related topics, you can check out this informative article and explore this excellent guide on pregnancy for more insights. If you’re considering family planning options, our artificial insemination kit may be of interest to you.
In summary, teaching our children about consent is a crucial step in shaping a future where respect prevails over objectification. It’s a responsibility we cannot afford to neglect.