As I scroll through my social media feed, I’m met with a chorus of “Me too” echoing from the posts of women I cherish and even those I’ve never encountered. The recurring message resonates deeply: “I have endured violations of my body, my essence, my humanity simply because I am a woman.” It’s profoundly unsettling to witness the sheer number of voices sharing this painful truth. One incident is too many, yet the flood of experiences may finally compel society to confront the widespread nature of this issue.
However, I found myself unable to join in the “Me too” sentiment. At 42, I can say I’ve never faced sexual assault, abuse, or even harassment. I’ve encountered my share of crude jokes and inappropriate comments from the sidelines, but nothing has been aimed directly at me.
This reality isn’t due to any special choices I’ve made. I’ve been in numerous situations where it could have been easy for someone to overstep and violate my consent. Yet, every man I have spent time alone with has respected my boundaries, and every potential partner has halted when I expressed discomfort.
Unlike my friends who have faced the horror of assault, I’ve never grappled with the confusion, fear, or shame that accompanies such trauma. I’ve never had my dignity stripped away, nor have I felt someone attempting to exert power over me in such a degrading manner.
And how do I feel about my fortunate escape from such violations? Lucky. Relieved. Grateful.
The absurdity of this situation is staggering. I shouldn’t feel fortunate for having avoided unwanted sexual advances, as if I’ve won a grim lottery. I shouldn’t feel relieved that I’ve never been assaulted, as if I’ve successfully dodged a bullet in a game of sexual roulette. I should not feel grateful that the men I’ve encountered have behaved with decency—that should be the norm.
And yet, here I am, feeling all these things.
This is the reality for women in our society. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been acutely aware of my personal safety. Each time I’m alone with a man I don’t fully trust, the thought flickers through my mind: “What if he attempts to assault me?” I’ve mentally rehearsed escape tactics while engaging in light conversation over dinner or imagined using my self-defense training in a moment of panic.
Being a woman alone often means living in a state of heightened awareness. Every time I walk down the street, leave a store, enter my car at night, or find myself in an elevator with a man, I remain vigilant.
I once posed a question to my husband about whether he ever considers the possibility of being assaulted while running alone. His bewildered expression said it all. He might worry about being mugged, but the idea of sexual assault was beyond his comprehension. Do you know any men who carry “rape whistles”? I don’t. While men can also be victims of sexual violence, the reality is that most men do not navigate their lives with the same fear of bodily violation that women do.
Most women I know, myself included, carry that underlying anxiety regarding what could happen to our bodies without our consent. It might not always be at the forefront of our consciousness, but it is perpetually lurking beneath the surface.
We all have friends and loved ones who have faced the trauma of rape or assault. Those of us who have managed to avoid such experiences often hold these women close while they grieve, imagining the horror of their experiences and questioning why we’ve been “lucky” enough to evade the same fate.
This is why I stand in solidarity with those women who have bravely shared their stories, regardless of how long it took. This is why I support those who choose to remain silent, as they have every right to do, while they live with their truths every day. This is why I advocate for better laws and justice concerning sexual assault and harassment. This is why I refuse to be silent about rape culture, despite not being a direct victim.
I recognize that I am fortunate to have never faced bodily violation. Yet, I still carry the fear that it could happen. This is the essence of rape culture, even for those of us who consider ourselves ‘lucky.’
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In summary, while some women may feel fortunate to escape the horrors of sexual violence, the reality is that the culture surrounding such acts continues to pervade our society. It is vital to acknowledge these experiences and advocate for change in order to create a safer world for all.