Parenting
Since when did homecoming dances turn into elaborate productions?
By Emily Carter
October 15, 2023
Back in my day, the excitement of being asked to a homecoming dance was thrilling enough on its own. There was no fanfare, no extravagant displays; it was simply a boy nervously dialing a phone (yes, we really did talk on phones back then) and awkwardly asking, “Will you go with me?” And that was that.
Now, my daughter, a fresh high schooler, casually mentioned she would be attending her first school dance with a friend we’ve met and approve of. “Oh, that’s wonderful, sweetheart,” I replied. “When did he ask you?”
“Well, he said he’s planning to ask me, but he hasn’t officially ‘asked’ yet because it’s not all figured out,” she explained, while I struggled to hide my confusion.
“Mom, you don’t just ask someone anymore. It’s a whole production these days,” she said, rolling her eyes as I felt like a fish out of water. Seriously?
Today’s kids are coming up with creative ways to outdo one another when it comes to asking for homecoming dates. From spelling out “HC” in rose petals to organizing intricate scavenger hunts, plastering “Wanted” posters across school hallways, or adorning rooms with flowers and balloons. What’s next, a skywriter? Meanwhile, social media plays a huge role in documenting these proposals for the chance to get a “yes” (and an avalanche of likes) in return.
While I’ll give them points for creativity, there are significant downsides to this very public ritual. For starters, these grand gestures often come with a hefty price tag. Boys who can’t keep up may feel inadequate or humiliated. Plus, parents and friends often get roped into helping with these elaborate plans, leaving those who can’t participate feeling guilty or left out.
There’s also immense pressure on kids, particularly boys, to conform to their peers’ proposal styles. Those who shy away from the spotlight might decide to skip the dance entirely, a sentiment echoed by several of my friends who have boys. The added visibility of social media only exacerbates the situation, ostracizing those who aren’t asked or feel uncomfortable asking someone out.
Furthermore, we send a troubling message to the recipients of these proposals—usually young girls—that saying no is not an option. My daughter and her friends seem to believe that if a boy goes to such lengths to ask them, they must accept, regardless of their actual feelings. This creates an uncomfortable obligation; a girl may feel indebted to accept a date simply because of the effort put forth, even if she would prefer to decline or go with someone else.
Aren’t we inadvertently teaching our daughters from a young age that their feelings and comfort are secondary to someone else’s efforts? It seems like an unnecessary burden on both sides. Remember, this is merely about attending a school dance together—not a marriage proposal. Can’t we keep it simple with just a phone call and save the grand gestures for when they really count?
For more insights on parenting and modern relationships, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination from the Mayo Clinic. If you’re curious about alternative family planning options, you might also find our post about the CryoBaby at-home insemination kit interesting.
In conclusion, while the creativity of today’s homecoming proposals is commendable, the pressure and expectations that accompany them can be overwhelming. It might be time to reconsider whether this trend truly enhances the experience of attending a school dance.