If you’ve nursed a little one beyond their baby years, you know that breastfeeding can sometimes take unexpected turns. Instead of simply nursing, older infants and toddlers often turn your body into their own personal jungle gym, climbing over you while inadvertently tugging on your nipple. It can be amusing at times, yet also incredibly frustrating and, quite frankly, painful.
Toddlers, with their tiny and curious hands, tend to develop unique nursing “habits.” While some behaviors may be endearing, others can be downright annoying. Many kids enjoy twirling hair, stroking skin, or even playing with their parent’s lips. I’ve encountered children who pinch, including one little guy who had a penchant for pinching the soft flesh of his mother’s belly.
For me, the ultimate annoyance? Nipple twiddling. Just thinking about it sends a shiver down my spine. If you’re unfamiliar, nipple twiddling is when a nursing toddler uses their free hand to poke, twist, or pull at your other nipple. My first child was a notorious nipple twiddler. As a new parent, I wasn’t sure how to handle it. I absolutely despised the sensation, but I thought it best to try a technique called “gentle redirection.” I attempted to distract him with songs, books, or toys, and even bought one of those nursing necklaces designed to keep little hands busy.
Unfortunately, nothing worked. After several unsuccessful months, a friend offered invaluable advice: Just say no. She pointed out that breastfeeding should be enjoyable for both parties, especially if you plan to continue for a while. She encouraged me to establish some basic “nursing manners,” and I realized she was spot on.
From that moment on, I firmly communicated that nipple twiddling was a big no-no. If my child attempted it, we would pause the nursing session until he stopped. I began wearing a snug sports bra and kept my hand over the breast as added protection. Eventually, he understood that his antics were no longer acceptable, and aside from rare instances when he was nursing to sleep, he ceased the behavior.
By the time my second child arrived, I was well-prepared. As soon as I noticed him reaching for that other nipple, I gently moved his hand away and continued wearing my tight sports bra for extra security. I even positioned my arm across my breast to prevent access. Thankfully, he never developed that habit. Instead, he became a habitual lip-puller, which was still annoying, but far more bearable than nipple twiddling.
Whatever your specific nursing pet peeve may be, it’s clear that many of us have our own irritations when it comes to nursing a toddler. The key takeaway? You don’t have to simply endure it. While some mothers opt to wean when nursing becomes overly frustrating, and others accept the chaos, it’s essential to recognize that establishing boundaries is also a viable option.
Don’t hesitate to teach your toddler some basic “nursing manners.” Make it clear where their hands can and cannot go. If acrobatic nursing isn’t your preference, let them know that’s simply not acceptable. Also, establish guidelines around nursing frequency and whether nighttime nursing is appropriate. And for goodness’ sake, encourage them to ask politely for their milk—please and thank you can transform the nursing experience for everyone involved.
Remember, setting boundaries is a process, so be patient. There will be moments of tears (from both you and your little one), but instilling some nursing manners is beneficial for everyone and a much healthier alternative to feeling your frustration build every time they latch on.
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In summary, establishing nursing manners with your toddler can lead to a more enjoyable experience for both you and your little one. Don’t shy away from setting boundaries; it’s a healthy part of the breastfeeding journey.