As your children transition into their tween and teenage years, you may find yourself grappling with a perplexing concern: their popularity. This phase of life is not just marked by awkward physical changes but also by significant social navigation. While some children effortlessly fit into the “in” crowd with the charisma of a homecoming queen, many others struggle to find their place.
For those who don’t quite mesh with the popular kids, there can be a worry that a lack of social connections in adolescence might hinder their ability to form deep and meaningful relationships later in life or even impact their future success. However, research tells a reassuring story: the answer is a definitive “no.”
A recent study from the University of Virginia, which tracked friendships among adolescents aged 15 to 25, revealed that having one or two close friends was far more beneficial than belonging to a large group of superficial acquaintances. In essence, sitting with a crowd of 25 laughing socialites during lunch does little to foster future happiness or health. In fact, the opposite is often true.
The research indicated that teens with smaller, more meaningful social circles experienced lower levels of anxiety and depression along with a stronger sense of self-worth. Rachel Anderson, the study’s lead author, explained to VICE that when teenagers prioritize popularity over genuine connections, they often face emotional challenges. The traits that make someone “cool” in high school—like partying and trendy fashion—rarely translate into lasting success or happiness in adulthood.
Interestingly, those who identified as part of the popular crowd reported a decline in mental health after high school, experiencing increased social anxiety as adults. Once the stars of their high school years, they often found themselves feeling lonely in later life.
Mitch Rivers, a psychologist and author of the book Fame, highlights that popularity in high school can often lead to issues down the line. He distinguishes between two types of popularity: status and likability. While the kids at the popular lunch table enjoy status popularity, those with fewer but more substantial friendships embody likability—leading to greater long-term happiness and success. The pursuit of status popularity as adults is where many encounter difficulties.
Rivers remarked in an interview with Scientific American that adults face a choice between seeking likability and chasing status, a dilemma exacerbated by today’s myriad platforms designed for status-seeking. Unfortunately, a focus on status often leads to negative outcomes, including aggression and addiction.
For parents of less popular children, these findings provide a comforting perspective. The social standing of your child during their teenage years holds little weight regarding their future well-being. This insight is important not only for you but also for your children, helping them understand that meaningful connections matter more than status. It seems that some adults haven’t quite figured this out yet, still clinging to their “cool kid” mentalities.
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In summary, popularity in adolescence is not a predictor of future happiness or success. Fostering meaningful friendships is far more valuable. As parents, we can alleviate our worries about our children’s social status and encourage them to build genuine connections that will serve them well throughout life.