The other day, I embarked on a quest to find my beloved Equal sweetener packets for my morning coffee. I visited not one, not two, but three stores, only to find bare shelves and empty stockrooms. (Trust me, I checked.) This can only mean one thing: the end times are upon us.
In a panic, I quickly placed an order for two large boxes on Amazon — thank goodness for two-day Prime shipping! I took to social media to share my distress, warning my friends of the impending doom: no Equal for my coffee and — how on earth will I survive?
It didn’t take long for my well-meaning pals to suggest alternatives to what they deem my unhealthy obsession. “Just use real sugar!” they shouted. Raw, cane, coconut — apparently, there are endless varieties of sugar. I get the appeal; however, since I consume about 10 cups of coffee a day, I would need to spend countless hours at the gym to work off that sugar. And let’s be honest, who has the time?
According to the latest USDA dietary guidelines, we should limit ourselves to 10 teaspoons of sugar daily, which wouldn’t even suffice for my morning routine. Meanwhile, the amount of Equal deemed safe for consumption? A whopping 75 packets! So, take that, sugar critics!
I’ve heard the warnings about artificial sweeteners being harmful, but I firmly believe that much of that information is exaggerated. Numerous studies have debunked the dubious claims linking these sweeteners to serious health issues. Even if they were harmful, I’m willing to take that risk—because a life devoid of coffee and my beloved Equal is simply not worth living.
Let me tell you, I have tried the so-called alternatives. Sweet’N Low tastes like a chemical experiment gone wrong, agave nectar feels overly complicated, and Stevia? Well, that’s just not for me. One friend, who can’t have sugar due to health issues, swears by Splenda, but I’ll stick with my cherished blue packets of Equal, thank you very much.
My friends, I appreciate your concern, but you will have to pry my artificial sweeteners from my tightly clenched fists. I’m not ready to give them up just yet. At 40 years old, I’m set in my ways.
Let’s face it: the world can be a tough place, filled with sadness and anger. But my fake sugar brings me joy. And without a hint of sweetness, my coffee tastes like, well, bitter water. So I’ll take my Equal and let the naysayers do their thing.
After a fair amount of online discussions, it’s clear that everyone has their favorite sweetener, and that’s perfectly fine. You can keep your bitter-tasting Sweet’N Low; I’ll stick to my blue packets of happiness. Now, if you want to debate fake creamers, that’s a different story altogether.
In conclusion, while the debate over sweeteners rages on, I stand firm in my preference for Equal. For those interested in family planning, be sure to check out this guide on artificial insemination. And for more information on various family-building options, visit this excellent resource.