Updated: May 26, 2018
Originally Published: Sep. 24, 2017
On “Career Day” in elementary school, my classroom was filled with aspiring doctors, business leaders, and law enforcement officers. And then there was me, clad in my everyday attire, save for an apron and a collection of Cabbage Patch Kids. My singular dream was to nurture a family and manage a home.
In first grade, such aspirations seemed endearing. Kids often change their minds about what they want to be, swinging from wanting to be an actor one day to a marine biologist the next. However, as I matured, my desire remained steadfast. Although I despised my high school home economics class, where I learned to bake, sew, and manage a budget, I often found myself fantasizing about doing these things for real in my own home.
Yet, I quickly discovered that sharing this dream was met with skepticism. If I had expressed interest in becoming a physicist or a lawyer, I would have received enthusiastic encouragement. Instead, revealing my true passion led to raised eyebrows, polite smiles, and comments about “squandering my potential” because I was “too smart.” People suggested I aim for something more ambitious, implying that my desire to be a stay-at-home mom was a waste of talent. This feedback left me feeling inadequate.
Listening to the critics, I enrolled in a prestigious all-female college known for its strong feminist ethos. Surrounded by ambitious future leaders and scholars, I felt empowered by the message that women could pursue any career. Yet, I quickly realized that the narrative often excluded full-time motherhood; sharing my aspirations to be a homemaker was met with the same incredulity as if I had declared my goal to be a mob boss. I began to believe that my lack of professional ambition made me flawed. Though I majored in psychology, I felt unprepared for a future that didn’t align with my true desires.
While I was inspired by my grandmother, who held a master’s degree and ran her own business, it was my other grandmother who truly captivated me. She dedicated her life to her home, working tirelessly from dawn to dusk, growing and canning her own food, cleaning, and sewing. I seldom saw her take a break, yet she managed to create a warm and inviting home. This was the life I envisioned for myself.
However, societal perceptions shifted between my grandmother’s era and my own. The recognition that a woman’s place is not limited to the home led to a prevailing belief that those who choose domesticity are somehow less capable. The term “stay-at-home mom” has come to be associated with laziness or a lack of ambition.
Let me be clear: I do not advocate for a return to the 1950s model of domesticity. We should pursue whatever path fulfills us, whether it’s raising children, coding software, or advocating for social change. We are fortunate to have choices that allow us to define our roles on our own terms.
Nevertheless, those of us who embrace homemaking should not feel ashamed. The cultural shift has empowered many women, but it has also cast a shadow over those of us who choose to stay at home. Critics may argue that this choice holds women back, but that perspective is misguided.
I work diligently every day, just like all stay-at-home moms. Anyone who has managed a household knows the immense responsibility it entails. I refuse to feel guilty for my so-called “lack of direction” because I excel at what I do. Creating a sanctuary for my loved ones is my full-time job, and it deserves recognition. I may not be revolutionizing the world, but I am enriching the lives of those closest to me, and who’s to say what impact they’ll have in the future?
Being a stay-at-home mom does not require a follow-up statement about future job prospects. Nurses don’t apologize for not being doctors, and architects don’t feel the need to justify their roles. Every professional finds their niche and hones their craft to achieve mastery. I have dedicated myself to being the best wife and mother I can be, and I will no longer apologize for it.
For those navigating their own journeys into parenthood, check out Modern Family Blog’s article for insightful tips. Additionally, March of Dimes offers excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination, which can be incredibly helpful for new families. Explore more on this topic at Modern Family Blog.
In summary, being a stay-at-home mom is a valid and fulfilling choice that should be celebrated, not criticized. I refuse to feel guilty for my path, as I have found purpose and joy in creating a loving home for my family.