A few years ago, I penned what I intended to be a light-hearted piece for this website titled “Obese and Expecting.” It resonated with countless readers and was shared extensively on social media. Many women reached out to express their gratitude for my candidness about having healthy pregnancies while being a size 20. Their heartfelt messages spoke of their own struggles with shame and anxiety, worrying that carrying extra weight made a healthy pregnancy unachievable. I was grateful to provide them with comfort and a touch of humor during such a vulnerable time.
However, the overwhelming positivity was often overshadowed by harsh criticism from internet trolls who hurled hurtful comments and unsolicited advice my way. Ironically, their attempts to shame me for my body were futile; I had battled self-loathing for years due to my size.
That all changed with the arrival of my daughter, a mini version of myself. She is truly beautiful, and I realized that if I continued to belittle myself, I would inadvertently teach her to do the same. This realization prompted me to embrace the wisdom of Gloria Steinem, who once said, “If we criticize our looks in front of a girl, that’s what she learns.“
Society’s beauty standards are often unrealistic, favoring a narrow definition of attractiveness—tall, slender, and seemingly flawless. This unattainable ideal leaves many women feeling unworthy of love, desire, and self-appreciation. Women of color, those with visible scars or disabilities, and those who defy conventional femininity are frequently overlooked or disparaged in media narratives. Such messages can severely impact my daughters, who are blissfully unaware of society’s prejudices.
As their mother, it’s my responsibility to model self-acceptance and resilience. I strive to raise strong, confident girls who embrace their uniqueness. Even on days when I feel like a beached whale, I avoid negative self-talk in their presence. Instead, I celebrate my body for what it can do—whether it’s engaging in regular workouts, hiking, or playing with them in the pool. I choose to describe myself as fat without shame; it’s merely a descriptor and not an insult. I highlight the beauty found in diversity, showcasing various shapes, sizes, and colors.
I also challenge traditional notions of beauty by wearing outfits that make me feel fabulous, regardless of societal expectations. I flaunt my curves, and I embrace my sexuality confidently, believing I am deserving of attention and pleasure.
Facing society’s unrealistic standards can feel daunting, but I remain committed to instilling a sense of self-worth in my daughters. I choose to model positive behaviors, knowing that this will better prepare them to handle the negativity they may encounter in the future.
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In conclusion, learning to love oneself, regardless of size, is an ongoing journey that not only benefits us as individuals but also sets a powerful example for the next generation.