In a bizarre turn of events in Colorado, authorities are on the lookout for a woman who has gained notoriety as “The Mad Defecator.” This jogger has been persistently relieving herself on residents’ lawns and outside local businesses during her runs. The police in Colorado Springs are seeking the public’s assistance in identifying this unusual culprit.
The saga began when local resident Jenna Collins’s children spotted the woman in action. “They came running in, yelling about a lady doing her business in our yard,” Collins recounted. Upon stepping outside, Jenna was shocked to witness the jogger squatting right in front of her house. “I was completely taken aback. I thought, ‘Is this really happening? Are you seriously pooping in front of my kids?’ And her response? ‘Yeah, sorry.’”
“Yeah, sorry” is usually something you say after accidentally taking the last donut from the break room—not when you’re squatting mid-run. Collins initially assumed the jogger was facing an unexpected emergency. Surely, she thought, someone would be mortified enough to clean up their mess. However, the situation soon escalated. The family has reported finding droppings on their lawn—wrapped in napkins—approximately once a week. (Your Honor, it should be noted that this woman brings her own napkins, indicating a clear pattern of premeditated bathroom behavior. The prosecution rests.)
Despite confronting The Mad Defecator on multiple occasions, she continues her peculiar routine. As someone who feels uncomfortable in public restrooms, I can hardly fathom the confidence it takes to bare it all in broad daylight. The jogger has not limited her antics to the Collins’ property; neighbors have reported similar incidents occurring in their yards and even in front of a local Walgreens.
Interestingly, there is a public restroom across the street in the park, as well as a nearby gas station. Yet, the Mad Defecator seems to prefer the thrill of squatting in front of surprised families and baffled pets. It raises questions: Is she simply territorial, or is this a unique form of expression? Either way, this woman could benefit from a candid conversation about appropriate public behavior.
The Collins family is now at their wits’ end. They have taken photos of the jogger and shared them with local police, who are working to circulate the images in hopes of identifying her. In a comical twist, they even put up a sign in front of their house, pleading for her to stop. “I put up a sign begging her to cease this madness, and she ran past it multiple times yesterday, still leaving her mark,” Jenna lamented.
If you happen to recognize The Mad Defecator, please reach out to the Colorado Springs police. Or, if you are reading this and happen to be her, consider investing in a treadmill or checking out outdoor running options that aren’t someone else’s lawn. After all, it’s just not worth the ongoing drama.
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In summary, a jogger in Colorado Springs has been consistently defecating on residents’ lawns, raising eyebrows and concerns among the community. While law enforcement seeks to identify her, the Collins family continues to deal with the aftermath of her peculiar escapades.