As a child growing up in Alabama, I experienced a classic southern upbringing—full of fried foods, football, and sun-soaked summers. My parents instilled in me the values of respect and politeness, teaching phrases like “yes, ma’am” and “no, sir.” Southern hospitality is renowned, but often, it comes with an underlying pressure to conform to the expectations of being “sweet.”
Throughout my youth, I was constantly encouraged to “be sweet.” This directive came from every corner—my mother, teachers, and even relatives during heated family discussions. I carried this mantra into adulthood, but now that I’m a mother myself, I’ve begun to question its merit.
In our home, we still enjoy fried vegetables and embrace southern traditions. However, I refuse to let anyone dictate that my daughter should simply “be sweet.”
I was reminded of this societal expectation during a recent visit to a local café. I observed two college students, engaged with their laptops, attempting to focus on their work. Yet, a middle-aged man approached them uninvited, interrupting their efforts with a self-centered monologue. Instead of asserting their space, the girls feigned interest, nodding along while clearly uncomfortable.
In my younger years, I might have shrugged off this situation as just another example of being too nice. But as a mother, witnessing their discomfort ignited an intense reaction within me. Why were they accommodating this man at the expense of their own comfort?
Too often, we condition our daughters to be agreeable, valuing “sweetness” over their own well-being. How many times have we tolerated uncomfortable situations to spare someone else’s feelings? I certainly have, and I want to change that narrative for my daughter.
Watching those young women squirm made me anxious about my child’s future. Is she learning to assert herself? At just 18 months, I found myself saying “be sweet” when she told her brother “no.” But that ends now.
Our family has adopted a new guiding principle: Be kind. Sweetness is often about how we’re perceived, while kindness is rooted in doing what’s right. This distinction is crucial. It’s perfectly acceptable for girls to express themselves with kindness, setting boundaries without guilt.
I no longer scold my daughter for asserting herself. She’s encouraged to express her thoughts freely. We emphasize kindness in our home, but sweetness is no longer a necessity.
I’m not raising a “sweet little girl.” I’m nurturing a strong, confident woman. If my daughter faces judgment for speaking her mind, so be it. I want her to set boundaries and stand firm, even if others are uncomfortable. If she grows into a bold young woman who speaks her mind and challenges the status quo, I will celebrate that.
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In conclusion, let’s empower our daughters to embrace their strength, prioritize their comfort, and challenge societal norms that advocate for mere sweetness.