Parenting can be a formidable challenge, especially when we witness our children facing complexities that seem far beyond our own childhood experiences. As parents, we often ponder how to shield our kids from the myriad of obstacles they encounter before reaching adulthood.
With two daughters, aged 15 and 10, we’ve discovered a simple yet effective strategy that has stood the test of time. It’s a consistent reminder that requires minimal effort but yields significant results. The mantra is straightforward: “We are problem-solvers.”
We introduced this phrase when our girls were still toddlers, and it’s become so ingrained in our family dialogue that it often prompts a playful eye roll. Nevertheless, it serves a purpose. Whenever a challenge arises, we assert, “We are problem-solvers.”
Real-Life Applications
For instance, if my daughter misplaces her shoes right before a game, I reassure her, “I don’t know where your shoes are, but we are problem-solvers. Let’s figure this out.” Or during family disagreements, I might say, “We’re uncertain about how to resolve this issue, but as a family, we solve problems. Let’s brainstorm solutions together.”
I’ve observed my daughters persevere through challenges, even when it gets tough. Rather than focusing on their intelligence, I highlight their persistence, saying, “I saw how you worked through that problem, and I’m proud of you. You truly embody the spirit of a problem-solver.”
Encouraging Independence
Like all parenting techniques, this approach may sometimes escalate issues, but it has undeniably instilled a problem-solving mindset in them. Simply affirming their identity as problem-solvers has transformed them into capable young individuals.
Take Emma, our 10-year-old, for example. She has a significant fear of thunderstorms—an almost paralyzing anxiety. Recently, during a severe storm, I overheard her muttering, “We’re goners.” Yet despite her fear, she remains proactive. She dons noise-canceling headphones, listens to calming music, and even builds a cozy fort in my closet when the thunder rolls. While she may still feel fear, she has equipped herself with coping strategies and understands it’s her responsibility to utilize them.
The Role of Parents
As parents, we play a pivotal role in shaping our children’s identities. The words we choose to encourage them can help solidify their self-perception. By nurturing and emphasizing certain traits, we provide a foundation for those characteristics to flourish within a secure environment.
Truthfully, I don’t always get this right. I strive to be the mom I aspire to be about 70% of the time—perhaps 60%. However, I highly recommend this perspective, as it alleviates feelings of inadequacy. Among all the parenting strategies I practice, this one has proven to be particularly impactful and one I wouldn’t easily abandon.
This ongoing affirmation of our family’s problem-solving ethos also serves as a reminder for me not to rush in and solve their problems for them. As I envision their futures in college and beyond, I remind myself that I have 18 years to help them discover their capabilities. While the urge to play the hero is strong, I recognize the importance of allowing them the practice to handle life’s challenges independently.
Preparing for the Future
Ultimately, my goal is not to provide false reassurances that life will always be easy. Instead, I want my daughters to possess a profound and unwavering confidence that they are capable of navigating whatever life throws at them.
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Conclusion
In summary, instilling a problem-solving mindset in our children requires consistent encouragement and a commitment to fostering their independence. By affirming their ability to tackle challenges, we prepare them for a world that awaits beyond our nurturing embrace.