Parenting
When I found out I was expecting my second child, I felt a rush of happiness, but it didn’t quite compare to the overwhelming joy I experienced during my first pregnancy. I couldn’t help but cry (more than once) as I considered how this would affect my eldest child. I felt like I was somehow shortchanging him. The time we shared together felt invaluable, and those early years with just him will always be etched in my memory as some of the most significant.
A friend reassured me that giving him a sibling was one of the best gifts I could offer, and that shifted my outlook somewhat—until the moment my water broke while he napped. Panic surged through me as I thought about needing to see him before heading to the hospital to meet his sister. What kind of mother would I be if I just rushed off without hugging him tightly and telling him how much he meant to me, and that our lives were about to change?
Tears streamed down my face as I hurried upstairs, calling my husband to let him know I was in labor. First, I had to awaken my son for a few last moments of “just us.” Those moments felt far more critical than allowing him to finish his nap or scrambling to prepare for the hospital.
Now, that baby, my firstborn, is turning 14 next week.
Sometimes, I gaze at him and yearn for the days when he was little. I still miss those moments of “just us.” I want him to understand how much he has given me. He is the one who transformed me into a mother. Together, we navigated countless first experiences—some joyful, others not so much. Yet, there was no one else I would have chosen to learn alongside.
Our firstborns carry a significant load that often goes unnoticed, and at times, I forget this reality. I make an effort to steal him away from his younger siblings every now and then (when he has the time) to reassure him that he is still seen. I recognize that being the oldest can be a challenge. It’s not always glamorous to be the “test subject” kid, the one who gets to be first in line for everything.
Whether they recall it or not, firstborns experience a substantial life shift when new siblings arrive. Parents are stretched thinner, family dynamics evolve, and we often have less time and energy to devote to them. It’s an unavoidable reality that can be tough on everyone.
However, it doesn’t erase the memories of holding them close and dedicating entire days solely to them before another child entered the picture. The profound impact of that first child on your heart is undeniable. Those afternoons spent focusing solely on them will remain among my most treasured recollections as a mother. It can be incredibly difficult to carve out quality time for a child when there are multiple children vying for attention, and both parents and children can miss that special connection.
I am aware that I sometimes hold my son to higher standards simply because he is the eldest. I realize I can be too hard on him. Being the oldest comes with its own set of challenges, often requiring him to take on responsibilities he didn’t ask for. He naturally feels the urge to protect and look out for his siblings, a role that can sometimes weigh heavily on him.
His younger siblings admire him. He is a figure of inspiration for them, and I often overlook the credit he deserves for fulfilling this role so adeptly. They are fortunate to have him as their older brother.
But my love for him is unique; it’s different from the love I have for my other two children—neither more nor less, just different. He will always hold the special title of being the one who made me a mom. It’s perfectly fine to miss that dynamic; I know I do every day, and I cherish those memories. I hope he understands that.
For those considering expanding their family, you might find helpful insights in our article on fertility. You can also check out this resource on IUI success rates.
In summary, our firstborns deserve more recognition for the roles they play in our families. Their journey as the oldest is filled with challenges and responsibilities that often go unnoticed. As parents, it’s crucial we acknowledge their contributions and ensure they know they are cherished.