In my view, patience is akin to great wealth—some inherit it, while others must cultivate it over time. Unfortunately, I often feel like I’m running low on this precious resource, leaving me to ponder how to acquire more of it. My tolerance seems to wear thin far too quickly, and it doesn’t take long for me to reach my breaking point. Nonetheless, I’m committed to improving for the sake of my children, who certainly didn’t ask for a mother who struggles to keep her cool.
Frustration is an inevitable part of life, especially in parenting. It doesn’t cease once our kids grow up; the world will always present challenges, from traffic signals turning red just when we’re in a hurry to realizing there’s no toilet paper when we need it most. When faced with situations that test our patience, we can respond in one of two ways:
- We can succumb to anger and stress, morphing into the version of ourselves we despise, which often leads to guilt. This cycle benefits no one, especially our children, who too often bear the brunt of our irritation.
- Alternatively, we have the option to approach these challenges more mindfully. We can pause before reacting, think before speaking, and take the time to understand why we feel like tearing our hair out. (This also pairs well with a secret trip to our hidden stash of chocolate.)
When my children push me to my limits, I ask myself if my expectations of them are perhaps too high. I already know the skills they are still mastering. What feels instinctual to me after years of practice is still a new concept for them. For instance, tying their shoes takes longer because, 1) they haven’t been doing it for decades and, 2) like all kids, they can easily get distracted and lack the ability to focus completely.
I work to frame my mindset around treating them as I would wish to be treated. I would feel utterly frustrated trying to navigate a new job with an overly demanding supervisor or in a classroom where the teacher is lecturing at an impossibly advanced level. And if my partner trailed behind me, criticizing my every move, I’d definitely let him know how I feel.
It’s important to remember that my children are individuals. Yes, they may be exasperating, slow, and stubborn at times, but they are still people. No one enjoys being constantly pushed, especially when they are genuinely trying their best. Just as a red light isn’t signaling us out of spite, my children aren’t being deliberately difficult to ruin my day—even though it may feel that way at times.
There are days when they feel down, just like we do; circumstances can weigh heavily on them. During such moments, patience becomes the most valuable gift we can offer. Instead of resorting to discipline, they often need a listening ear and a comforting hug. Empathy and compassion can achieve far more than pressure and annoyance. When I’m having a rough day, I want understanding and support, not criticism, and my kids are no different.
While my level of patience may not be where I want it to be, and my mindfulness strategies sometimes fall short (let’s face it, that’s easier said than done), I find that pretending I’m being filmed for a reality TV show helps. After all, no one acts out when they know they’re being watched. Have you ever seen someone like Lila Simmons lose her temper with her three children on camera? With that many kids, there are bound to be moments of chaos—but the cameras keep things in check.
I recognize that I have a long journey ahead before I become as laid-back and understanding as I aspire to be with my children. Still, I am committed to making that effort. In the meantime, I hope they can exercise patience with me as I work on being more patient with them.
How’s that for irony?
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