Parenting
By Jamie Whitmore
I can vividly recall the moment I first fell in love with each of my children. Equally unforgettable, however, are the times I found myself falling out of like with them. My unwavering, fierce mama bear love has been a constant since their arrivals. In the early days of motherhood, I naively believed that this profound love would see us through any challenge, convinced that my deep affection meant I would always enjoy their company, no matter the circumstances.
However, I’ve come to realize that “love” and “like” are distinct emotions. While love remains steadfast and unchanging, like can often be elusive. Just because I love my children endlessly doesn’t guarantee I will always like them.
Let me clarify: I genuinely like my children as individuals. They are kind-hearted, good people. Yet, there have been phases where being around them was far from enjoyable. At times, I’ve caught myself thinking, “Wow, I really don’t like this kid right now.” I love them immensely, but that does not equate to liking them at that moment.
One particularly challenging phase involved relentless whining over the smallest issues—not whining to gain something, but rather complaining whenever life didn’t unfold exactly as they wished. The sheer volume of whining was overwhelming. I can love a child who whines, but after a while, my ability to “like” them fades away.
Another phase was marked by an incessant barrage of annoying sounds. It was as if they decided to fill every quiet moment with random sound effects—beeps, blurps, and nonsensical songs belted out at full volume. Their joyful noise became my personal torment. I love you, kids, but let’s have a little break from the symphony of chaos so I can like you again.
There have been times filled with drama, defiance, and sibling squabbles where simply liking my children felt like a chore. Although these moments are relatively rare, I can distinctly recall instances where I truly didn’t like one of my kids during a specific situation.
The first time I experienced this unsettling feeling, guilt washed over me. How could I not like my own child? I wondered. Am I failing as a mother? In search of comfort, I reached out to my good friend, Laura, and tentatively asked, “Have you ever found yourself not really liking your kid? You love them, but can’t stand being around them?”
Like any supportive mom friend, Laura responded, “Absolutely!” We shared our experiences about the unexpected challenges of motherhood, including this one. We recounted stories of our children being so exasperating that our feelings of like seemed to vanish. Not once did we judge each other for admitting that sometimes, we don’t like our kids. If you don’t have a mom friend like this, get one—it’s essential!
If you’re currently navigating the challenges of parenting toddlers or infants, this may seem hard to grasp. My first encounter with this emotional divide happened around the age of 7, but I also had a relatively easy first child. Other children may test the limits of your “like” much sooner, and I suspect there are also those rare unicorn children who remain angelic throughout their lives. If you haven’t yet faced a period of not liking one of your children, just know that such phases are likely ahead, and they don’t reflect poorly on you as a mother.
For those who have already weathered these storms, or are currently entrenched in one, take heart. The beauty of childhood is that these phases are indeed temporary. The pendulum eventually swings back, and I often find myself enjoying my children anew, sometimes even forgetting the difficult phase altogether. It’s incredible how that works.
While it might sound harsh to acknowledge that I don’t always like my children, it’s simply the truth. My love for them is unwavering, rooted in every fiber of my being. But love and like are fundamentally different, and one doesn’t guarantee the other. You will always love your children, but you may not always like them, and that’s perfectly okay.
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In summary, while the love we have for our children is constant and unwavering, the feelings of like can be fleeting. It’s normal to experience phases where liking them feels challenging. Remember, these moments are temporary and part of the parenting journey.