Last week, my youngest son remarked, “Mom, it seems like Jake is your favorite.” Hearing that struck a nerve, but honestly, he wasn’t entirely off the mark. What he didn’t notice, as his attention was glued to his tablet, was how Jake immediately sprang into action to help me carry in the groceries. I didn’t need to ask or even hint; he just did it while his brother was more focused on his game than on whether I was struggling with two heavy bags.
The very next day, my eldest daughter chimed in, “Mom, Mia gets way more clothes and toys than Jake and I do. You spoil her.” Little does he know, Mia pitches in with chores around the house, like cleaning the bathrooms (which he often leaves in a less-than-desirable state), walking the neighbor’s dogs, and even giving me foot massages to earn extra spending money for her fashion habit—she certainly takes after me in that regard. If only he would notice her contributions instead of isolating himself in his room, tuning out the family.
To our kids, it might seem like we have a favorite, and I must admit, they have a valid point. The favorite child dynamic can shift frequently—sometimes even by the hour. Each of my three children has had their moment in the spotlight as my “favorite.” I don’t announce it aloud; I don’t barge into a room and declare, “Hey, my darling middle child, you’re currently my favorite, so enjoy your ice cream while I put your siblings to work.” It’s more subtle than that.
Of course, I love them all equally, but there are times when I feel a closer connection to one child over the others. Sometimes, that connection is strained when one child insists on coming inside to tattle on their sibling after I’ve just sent them outside to enjoy some fresh air.
Perhaps your baby is in that irresistibly adorable phase where you can’t help but want to squeeze their cheeks, while your toddler is throwing a fit over the minutiae of life. We shouldn’t feel guilty about our feelings; they are natural. We’ve all been there; every parent has had their favorites at different times. While we might not act on it, we’re aware of it, and that’s perfectly okay.
Different stages of our children’s lives elicit varying responses from us. Some moments test our patience, others impart valuable life lessons, and occasionally, one child can drive us completely bonkers.
As I write this, my oldest is preparing nachos—my ultimate weakness. I’d love to say it’s out of pure thoughtfulness, but truthfully, I know he’s hoping to win over my favor so he can go biking with his friends instead of joining the family on a beach trip. He knows nachos are my weakness, and since he’s catering to my needs, he’s a bit of a favorite at the moment. I can recognize the manipulation, but it doesn’t bother me because, well, nachos.
So, let them accuse me of having favorites. In the grand scheme of things, it all balances out. Tomorrow, I might find him annoying because he’s being particularly loud, while my daughter might surprise me by tidying her room without prompting, and the roles will flip again.
Besides, since I am usually the one laying down the law, I’m aware that their father is undoubtedly their favorite parent. Any guilt I might feel has been lifted. And as long as my wonderful kids keep preparing my favorite meals, helping with groceries, and offering foot rubs, I’m content with the ebb and flow of favoritism in our household.
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