Throughout my life, I’ve been on a quest for my best friend. Now, as I watch my daughter navigate a new school and build her social circle, it’s clear she’s embarking on the same journey: the search for that one best friend—the person who is synonymous with you. Think of iconic duos like Monica and Rachel, or Thelma and Louise. In my daughter’s case, it might be Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez.
This friend is everything: the one who brings laughter during hard times, supports you unconditionally, and shows up with wine when you need it most. She guards your secrets, shares your struggles, and becomes an integral part of your life—essentially, your other half.
As a child, I had plenty of friends. I attended numerous sleepovers and parties, never sat alone at lunch, and was hardly ever left wondering where everyone was on a Saturday night—unless I was grounded, of course. Yet, I always felt like I missed the memo when it came to forming those close-knit pairs. I had friends, but no one who earned the title of “best friend.”
This longing persisted into adulthood. Surrounded by friends yet still feeling lonely, my idea of an ideal best friend became a source of disappointment. Time and again, I thought I had found her, only to realize that no one could fully meet my lofty expectations (my husband certainly faced a challenge!). I had concocted an unrealistic image of my perfect best friend—someone who would embody every ideal I had for companionship.
Over the years, however, I’ve been fortunate to build a diverse circle of friends—each unique and wonderful in their own right. They possess qualities I once sought in a singular best friend, but now I realize I don’t need just one; I have many! It’s a vibrant community of besties.
Sometimes they blend seamlessly, sometimes they don’t even know each other, and occasionally they form friendships among themselves. Life has its ups and downs, and while we may drift apart at times, we always find our way back.
My husband played a crucial role in reshaping my understanding of friendship. He highlighted the amazing people already in my life, showing me that I didn’t need to rely on one person for all my emotional support. This realization lifted an immense burden from both my friends and me. Each friend contributes something unique, enriching my life in various ways.
Now, when new faces come into my life, I quickly recognize the potential for another best friend—more connections mean more joy! Recently, I even discovered a special connection with someone I’ve never met in person. She offers insights and support that my local friends might not provide, which is fantastic.
Letting go of the expectation that my friends must fulfill every role has been liberating. I am surrounded by a colorful tapestry of beautiful and inspiring individuals. Although I still sometimes wish for that one magical friend who embodies all my ideals, I understand that such a person likely doesn’t exist. Accepting this truth has allowed my friendships to flourish, much like a thriving garden.
As my daughter seeks her own “best,” I’ll encourage her to cultivate a “garden” of friends—an ever-blooming collection of besties. And I hope to remain one of those friends for her.
For more on family dynamics and friendships, check out this insightful piece on couples fertility journeys. If you’re interested in navigating the journey of pregnancy or home insemination, I recommend this excellent resource on the IVF process.
In summary, friendships come in many forms, and the notion that we need a singular best friend to feel complete is a myth. Embracing a diverse circle of connections enriches our lives and offers the support we seek.