By: Emily Carter
Date: August 20, 2023
Let me set the scene for you. It was nap time for my 2-year-old son, Oliver. As I scooped him up, chaos erupted. His body went rigid, arms flailing like a slippery fish trying to escape my grasp. Having dealt with this before, I held on tight, expecting his counter-move. Frustrated by my interference, he head-butted me right in the nose. The sudden pain brought tears to my eyes and a flash of stars. I set him down on my lap and insisted he apologize for hurting me.
To my surprise, the crying ceased almost instantly. He furrowed his brow, looking around the room but avoiding eye contact with me. This was his way of signaling that a power struggle was about to commence. I braced myself for the inevitable showdown.
I consider myself a stubborn individual. At this point, I can guess what kind of reader you might be. If you’re more laid-back and adaptable, you’re likely raising an eyebrow, wondering how this unhinged situation will unfold between a mother and her toddler, who can’t even put on their shoes without assistance yet seems to be in charge.
If you share my stubborn streak, you’ve probably straightened up in your seat, silently cheering for me not to give in, lest I inadvertently raise a future generation of even more obstinate children. And if you’re a fellow stubborn parent of a stubborn child, you’re probably shaking your head, knowing that I’m in for a lengthy standoff with Oliver—something I already anticipate.
Initially, I thought I could simply outlast Oliver. After all, I’m the adult. I believed that yielding or letting him win would teach him nothing and would only encourage him to walk all over me. What I didn’t grasp at the time was that no one can outlast a toddler. They have an endless supply of patience when it comes to testing a parent’s emotional endurance. My son’s laser focus on my discomfort has made me feel genuine sympathy for any adversaries he might face in the future.
Being a stubborn parent often leads to more conflicts than we care to admit. However, being a stubborn parent to a child who firmly believes that every challenge is worth fighting for amplifies those conflicts beyond our expectations.
A significant aspect of parenting revolves around seizing teachable moments. However, stubborn children often resist such lessons, and the harder you push, the more they dig their heels in. If you think you can persuade them, be prepared for a dramatic display—they might hold their breath until they turn blue just to prove a point.
Through this journey, I’ve come to recognize that I can be quite the handful myself. Every time I call my mother to vent or share a laugh about Oliver’s antics, she bursts into laughter. Not a gentle “This too shall pass” kind of laugh, but one that says, “You’re starting to understand what I went through raising you, and we’re only two years into this.”
I’m learning to choose my battles wisely. There are countless potential confrontations. Reflecting on my own childhood, I recall my mother declaring that nothing would make me do something I didn’t want to. I felt a strange sense of pride in that “victory.” Now, as an adult, I fully acknowledge how stubborn I must have been for her to come to that conclusion.
While Oliver is still just 2, I see similar traits in him. If I turn every little issue into a battle, I’ll find myself embroiled in endless 40-minute standoffs. I’ve had to reevaluate what I consider significant; many of the things I once deemed critical are now trivial in the grand scheme of things.
Today, I reserve my energy for issues that truly matter, such as safety and kindness. I’m prepared for many more standoffs about learning to say “I’m sorry.” However, letting go of some of my own stubbornness has sparked a newfound creativity in our interactions. That day’s standoff ended when I shook Oliver’s hand and thanked him for giving me an “I’m sorry” handshake. He paused, then smiled and apologized before happily running off to play.
While this particular victory was minor and inconsequential, I realize I cannot expect him to apologize every time he bumps into me. I know there’s no magic formula to raise a less stubborn child. I’ll do my best to teach him right from wrong so he doesn’t turn into a total jerk. But he is who he is, and I can appreciate his strong sense of self at such a young age. Perhaps I can find comfort in the idea that his strong will could help him grow into a resilient adult.
At the very least, I might just outdo my mother and bless Oliver with two children just like him. When I receive a frustrated call from him about a two-hour battle over wearing pants, I’ll chuckle, feeling both understanding and a bit of dread. We’ll both know that the cycle of parenting has come full circle.
For those navigating similar challenges, it’s essential to remember that you’re not alone. Resources like the CDC’s website on pregnancy offer valuable information for parents, while posts on parenting dynamics can provide additional insights, such as this one on home insemination kits – a topic worth exploring if you’re considering expanding your family.
In summary, parenting a stubborn child as a stubborn parent can feel like an uphill battle, but it’s also an opportunity for growth and creativity. By choosing our battles wisely and embracing our children’s strong will, we can foster resilience and strength in them for the future.