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Decoding the Essence of Marriage Vows
When I exchanged vows, I was blissfully unaware of the journey that lay ahead. Clad in my grandmother’s wedding dress and adorned with my great-grandmother’s necklace, I carried a bouquet of calla lilies. I fumbled during a moment meant for reverence before the Virgin Mary, and I wore a stunning six-carat sapphire engagement ring, while our wedding bands were intricately crafted and engraved in Ireland. The actual moment I proclaimed “I do” is a blur, but I recall the traditional promises of standing together through sickness and health, wealth and poverty, for as long as we both shall live. Little did I know that the most significant challenges wouldn’t stem from a spilled drink on our flower girl but from the realities of life.
Fast forward to this year, when my husband, Jake, battled tonsillitis on Mother’s Day. He rushed to the clinic early Sunday morning, leaving me to manage three small children at mass solo. In a moment of frustration, I called him, tears streaming down my face, after someone mistook me for being pregnant. “The day’s ruined,” I sobbed. To my surprise, he responded with compassion, “I guess you won’t enjoy those donuts,” lamenting the fact that he had picked up a special order of Krispy Kreme just for me, despite feeling unwell. He called me beautiful and reassured me that the stranger’s comment was both rude and ignorant. This is the essence of what “I do” truly signifies.
“I do” is about lifting each other up, a collection of small acts that keep our spirits buoyant. It encompasses both the grand gestures and the seemingly mundane moments that define our partnership. When I said “I do,” we were aware of my existing mental health challenges, but we had no idea that I would face severe anxiety and treatment-resistant depression, possibly even bipolar disorder, along with previously undiagnosed ADHD.
Jake found himself married to someone vastly different from the woman he thought he was getting: a wife grappling with profound emotional turmoil, who would spend hours in tears and sometimes entertain the darkest thoughts. There were moments that required him to take family leave from his teaching job to care for our children while I sought treatment. Yet, through it all, he remained steadfast, never wavering in his commitment to support me. Even when I suggested that he deserved better and that I wanted a divorce, he continued to profess his love.
Every couple faces significant trials, be it through loss, financial hardship, or familial grief. Ultimately, when life throws you challenges, it’s about being there for one another, and that’s what “I do” embodies.
Moreover, “I do” also encompasses the unexpected surprises life throws our way. Like the moment when I announced to Jake that we were pregnant, despite not trying and having two young children already. His incredulous reaction of “What?!” was met with my tears, yet we navigated this journey together. Fast forward, and our once-unplanned child is now a spirited three-year-old, reminding us of the new layers of commitment that “I do” has come to mean.
“I do” also signifies countless moments, sacrifices, fears, and shared laughter. It’s about tolerating each other’s quirks, whether it’s his obsession with football or my disastrous attempts at crafts. It means letting each other into our lives, no matter how messy it gets, and accepting each other in all our imperfections—from baby weight to graying hair.
Reflecting on my vows as the years have passed, I realize that I had no true understanding of what they entailed. A decade in, with three kids and a couple of dogs later, I am reminded that the promises I made are ever-evolving. I don’t know what tomorrow’s challenges will bring or how I’ll be called to love him next week, but I know I made a promise—not just to him, but to myself. I chose to love him then, and I choose to love him anew each day, through every twist and turn life presents.
Bear, I choose to love you. I choose you today, I choose you tomorrow, and I will keep choosing you for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, for as long as we both shall live.
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