My son, who is truly a gift, is the most charming, intelligent, and wonderful little being I have ever known. For 22 delightful months, he has filled my life with joy (though I do share this experience with my partner, who can rightfully claim half of the parenting duties). Motherhood has been a fulfilling journey, far beyond the fears I once harbored. I find myself basking in happiness.
Yet, this little joy also brings an overwhelming amount of stress and anxiety that I’ve never encountered before. The pressures of exams, the recovery from past struggles, and juggling two jobs pale in comparison to the worries that occupy my mind these days.
Of course, my son isn’t to blame. He hasn’t done anything wrong. However, I must admit this is the first time I’m publicly expressing that we suspect he may be on the autism spectrum. It’s a complex reality that I’m grappling with.
I know well that an autism diagnosis can only be confirmed after a child turns two. Our developmental pediatrician has reassured us that, at this tender age, an accurate assessment is not feasible. Thus, we find ourselves waiting for the next appointment, which will occur shortly after his second birthday. Until then, we are in a state of limbo, anticipating an autism assessment.
Please don’t dismiss this as overreaction or as a projection of my own insecurities onto my innocent child. This period of waiting—approximately two months—has been shaped by 22 months of careful observation and interaction as we’ve come to understand our son. We didn’t come to consult a developmental pediatrician by chance, nor have my countless hours of online research been mere whims.
My son is yet to speak. He doesn’t point or wave. He has consistently met developmental milestones later than most, not walking until he was 17 months old. He has a fascination with repetitive actions, such as flipping light switches on and off and endlessly opening and closing cabinet doors. His eye contact is sporadic, and he prefers solitary play over engaging with me unless it’s time to read—then, he insists on revisiting the same book repeatedly.
Of course, this behavior doesn’t definitively indicate he’s on the spectrum. He might simply be a unique child, much like his parents. However, when I consider these traits collectively, it raises my concerns. They were compelling enough for me to seek guidance from our developmental pediatrician and to confront a possibility I spent months dreading.
So here we sit, poised at the edge of the unknown, awaiting whatever comes next.
In the meantime, I crave connection. I long for support, information, and the camaraderie of others who may share similar experiences. I also wish to extend a hand to anyone else navigating this waiting game for an autism diagnosis, assuring them they’re not alone. This journey can feel isolating, standing on the precipice of special needs, yearning for a glimpse of what lies ahead. I catch myself comparing my son to other toddlers, hesitating to discuss his speech and development, curating a social media image of a blissful child while anxiously biting my nails behind the scenes.
Despite my best efforts, my thoughts often spiral out of control, replaying endless “what-if” scenarios. Will he need special education? Will he be able to attend the same classes as his peers? What does his future hold? Will he lead a fulfilling adult life? Those questions can be maddening, and the only release I find is through writing. I write to organize my thoughts, share our story, and shed light on our journey for anyone seeking hope amidst the uncertainty of worrying for their child.
No discussion on this subject would be complete without acknowledging the silver linings and the boundless love I have for my son. He demonstrates remarkable intelligence. He navigates new toys, situations, and information with ease. He laughs and cries at appropriate moments, and he has begun to express affection through kisses. He has learned to seek our attention and communicate his needs without verbal language. He has even learned to be gentle with our cat instead of pummeling her. His many redeeming qualities reassure me that he is developing his own personality, values, and place within our family.
As for love, it overflows. If this waiting period leads to the diagnosis I suspect, it will not alter my love or commitment to him. We will continue to provide him with every resource necessary for him to thrive and lead a happy, fulfilling life. We will advocate for him, challenge him, and remind him daily of our pride in who he is.
Because he is perfect. Just as he is—diagnosis or not. While the wait may be challenging, it does not have to dictate our future. If you find yourself in a similar situation, anxiously awaiting an autism diagnosis, remember: despair is not the answer. Your family will be fine. You will navigate this journey with resilience, as all parents do for their children. Focus on love, and everything else will fall into place. That’s my intention as we wait.
For more insights, you can check out this resource on intrauterine insemination, which provides valuable information on pregnancy. If you’re also interested in home insemination, consider reading about kits available to assist you in your journey.