If I had to encapsulate the life of a mother in one word, that word would undoubtedly be “thankless.” From the moment I brought my little ones into the world (a milestone that was met with more pain than praise—no “push presents” to be found in my hospital room), I’ve been at their service. This includes not just meeting their basic needs, but catering to every aspect of their lives, from the meals they devour (with barely a “Thanks, Mom!”) to the endless piles of dirty dishes and laundry that seem to reproduce overnight.
Motherhood is an unending, exhausting job. Even when the kids are old enough to handle their own bath time and no longer need diaper changes, their demands never seem to cease. My home would be immaculate if everyone contributed to maintaining it, but alas, that’s not the reality. While I strive to teach my children self-sufficiency and responsibility, it’s still my responsibility to manage the majority of household tasks.
Every room in my house carries an unspoken checklist of daily duties, and next to each task, you’ll find one name: MOM.
Do I engage in this endless cycle of chores because I find deep satisfaction in it? Absolutely not. I do it because it’s what mothers have done throughout history, often with little appreciation from those who benefit (thanks, kiddos). There are no ancient relics showing moms preparing meals or cleaning up messes, nor are there epic poems celebrating their tireless efforts.
No one seems to notice if I manage all of this while juggling a full-time job or when I’m unwell, or if I’m doing it all while calming a fussy baby. The extra mile we go to, often at the expense of our own comfort, isn’t viewed as heroic or even deserving of acknowledgment. The person who keeps the household afloat is similar to oxygen—absolutely essential yet frequently overlooked. And if we aren’t also the primary breadwinners? Forget about it.
Sure, we might receive a card on Mother’s Day with a few heartfelt lines about how much we mean to the family, but that’s typically the best gratitude we can hope for. “It’s a labor of love,” we remind ourselves as we scrub toilets and clean up messes that aren’t even ours.
Living this motherly life, tackling countless household duties on top of my other commitments, I find myself feeling a bit irked when my husband does something he considers “helping out.” Let me clarify: I value the support that lightens my heavy load (which is why I’ve taught my children to assist from a young age). And since my husband works longer hours outside the home than I do, it’s only reasonable that I handle more of the domestic responsibilities. I get it. I accept it.
However, what I cannot accept is his expectation of thanks for doing tasks that I am expected to do daily, often dozens of times, without any acknowledgment for my efforts. Take, for instance, the dishes. I work outside the home a few evenings a week, and before leaving, I ensure a meal is prepared for my family—even if I don’t get to enjoy it myself. When I return home, if the table is cleared, my husband is quick to highlight his contribution. “I cleaned up after dinner,” he’ll say, not directly asking for praise but clearly expecting it.
It doesn’t matter if the table is still sticky or if the dishes that couldn’t fit into the dishwasher are now languishing in the sink, creating a less-than-pleasant sight. None of this is acknowledged; it’s as if the rest of the cleanup is invisible to him. And in his mind, gratitude is well-deserved. After all, he could have left it all for me, choosing to lounge on the couch instead—something anyone in their right mind would prefer to do.
Theoretically, I could take that route as well. But then what? Watch the mess accumulate while hoping someone realizes I’m the linchpin that keeps this household functioning smoothly?
I do all this because, unfairly, it’s expected of me—more than my fair share—simply because I’m the mom. Everyone knows that moms keep the home fires burning. But if I’m not receiving thanks for managing this household, for the countless tedious tasks I tackle every single day to provide hot meals, clean laundry, and a sanitary space, then I’m in no rush to offer thanks either.
If it’s in my job description, then it’s certainly in his as well, because we’re equally responsible for our home just as we are for our children and finances. It’s challenging to express gratitude for things when I’m putting in maximum effort without receiving any in return.
He does something once and anticipates acknowledgment. If he wants recognition, he’ll need to do it repeatedly. If he can manage it while holding a child or battling a cold, or while simultaneously preparing dinner and helping with homework, then we can discuss appreciation. He should make it a habit, integrate it into his daily routine, and then we’ll see.
Perhaps I’ll just start doing the bare minimum. Maybe the next time I do laundry, I’ll toss his work shirts into the washer and conveniently forget to transfer them to the dryer—let alone hang them up wrinkle-free. When he asks, “Honey, why are my work shirts still in the washer?” I’ll respond with a proud smile, “I know! They’re all clean!” and wait for him to shower me with praise. After all, at least I’m not just lounging on the couch, right?
In summary, navigating the everyday chaos of motherhood often feels like an uphill battle, especially when appreciation is lacking. Balancing household duties with personal responsibilities can be a daunting task, and while we might not always receive the thanks we deserve, it’s crucial to establish a more equitable division of labor in our homes. For more insights on parenting dynamics, check out this blog post, and for additional resources on insemination options, visit this excellent guide or learn more about in-home insemination kits.