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It can be tough to see your child upset over a frenemy. While some lessons must be learned through experience, you can still lend a helping hand.
One rainy afternoon, my five-year-old daughter and I settled into our cozy sofa with a stack of forgotten photo albums. As she flipped through snapshots of herself as a baby, kicking her tiny feet toward the camera, and reliving memories from a trip to Disney World, she stumbled upon an image of her with a woman named Lucy, who had once been an important part of her life.
“Who is that?” she inquired, studying Lucy’s gray hair. I explained that Lucy was a friend from her past but was no longer in her life. Confused, she asked, “You mean you stopped being friends?” I took the opportunity to discuss how friendships can end, emphasizing that sometimes, those we thought were good for us aren’t the ones we need to keep around.
“Like Mia?” she suggested, recalling a classmate who had recently distanced herself from my daughter. A few weeks back, Mia had told my daughter she no longer wanted to be friends, leaving her heartbroken. “I cried softly on the mat. I don’t know why she would break my heart,” she had shared with me then.
I was ready to blacklist Mia until my daughter surprised me by mentioning a playdate with her. There was no reference to the earlier heartbreak; it seemed forgiven and forgotten. However, this pattern of “frenemy” behavior was becoming familiar. Prior to Mia, there was Emma, who constantly critiqued my daughter’s clothes and lunch choices. Yet whenever my daughter saw Emma, it was like a scene from a romcom—complete with joyful reunions that left me bewildered about their friendship dynamics.
I know all too well the complexities of frenemies—friends who can switch from supportive to hurtful in an instant. Popular culture is filled with them, from celebrity rivalries to that neighbor who always seems to outdo you. Many of us have experienced the frenemy phenomenon, and perhaps some of us have played that role unwittingly.
Reflecting on my own high school experience, my closest friend was named Clara. She was fiercely loyal but also had a knack for making cutting remarks that made me question everything about myself. When we parted ways after graduation, I felt a pang of loss, but more so, a sense of relief. Ending a relationship with a frenemy is like shedding the worst parts of yourself—the nagging beliefs that you aren’t good enough.
While it’s easier said than done, it’s painful to watch my daughter navigate through friendships that may not be healthy. I can see which of her friends might become frenemies in the future, those who could hurt her feelings and take more than they give. I wish I could shield her from this inevitable learning experience, but growth often comes from facing these challenges directly. She’ll need to set boundaries and understand her self-worth in relation to others.
What I can offer is reassurance that she is loved and valued for who she is. I’ll be there to comfort her after she experiences a friend’s betrayal, to brainstorm ways for her to advocate for herself, and to encourage her to expand her social circle. However, none of this can replace the necessary lessons learned through the pain of encountering a frenemy. Each boundary she sets and each step she takes toward healing will build her resilience.
For now, as her mother, I aim to be her safe space—a steadfast presence in her life. In doing so, I hope to provide her with a model of what healthy friendships can look like. In return, I’m sure to learn valuable lessons about forgiveness and new beginnings from her perspective.
If you’re interested in learning more about navigating friendships and relationships, check out this blog post. For more insights on insemination and becoming a parent, Make a Mom is an authority on the topic. Additionally, Hopkins Medicine offers excellent resources for understanding pregnancy and home insemination.
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- How to handle frenemies in childhood
- Signs of a toxic friendship
- Helping kids with friendship issues
- Setting boundaries in friendships
- Understanding children’s social dynamics
In summary, it’s inevitable that children will encounter friendships that ebb and flow, often characterized by the complexities of frenemies. As parents, we can provide support, encouragement, and love to help our children navigate these emotional waters, even as they learn important life lessons on their own.
Keyphrase: Navigating childhood friendships
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