I Don’t Want to Share My Boys with Anyone

I want to keep my boys close, sheltered from external distractions and influences.

My two eldest, both boys, cuddle with me on the couch, all wrapped in one blanket as we discuss a myriad of topics between handfuls of popcorn. They excitedly brainstorm ideas for their upcoming birthday parties and inquire about our summer activities. One even proposes we create a giant list of ten enjoyable things to do over break. Then, with a gleam in his eye, he asks if I’d like to see his latest dance moves, ready to showcase his favorite touchdown dance compilation on YouTube.

I watch as they perform the hike and the griddy, their grins wide, eyes focused on me. I take a deep breath, and feelings of weightiness settle in. Alongside my gratitude and joy is an undercurrent of panic. The realization that these moments are fleeting—that I won’t always be their go-to person—is painfully clear. My sweet, affectionate little boys will eventually grow up, and our daily couch sessions will become a thing of the past. I’m not ready for that.

First, it will be their friends. Already, my third grader has a best friend he seems to prefer above all others. While he still enjoys hanging out with me, relishing my presence while he finds me somewhat tolerable, any chance to be with Ryan clearly pushes me to the sidelines. It’s taken some adjustment to become a backup player after years of being his number one fan, but for now, I’m okay with it. I still have enough influence, as he’s not yet old enough to wander off on his own, and I capitalize on that by offering enticing plans and tasty snacks for him and his pals—the quintessential #coolmom.

But soon enough, he’ll be driving—and dating. The thought sends a shiver down my spine. Those awkward teenage romances and first crushes—oh, goodness, the mere idea drains my energy.

I’ll have to remain composed and friendly with their partners to encourage them to hang out at our place instead of elsewhere, but I know I’ll be rolling my eyes at their antics. Because no one will ever be good enough for my boys, and I will never want to share them with anyone, not even for a moment.

My maternal instincts lean heavily towards togetherness, leaving little room for comfortable change. I yearn for family gatherings and vacations to be just us because I don’t want our wonderfully chaotic family dynamic to shift. No extra seats at the table or plus-ones at parties—I want to keep my boys close, free from outside noise and influence. I recognize this may sound selfish (and controlling), but it’s the truth.

I want to be the one who applies their sunscreen and scratches their backs. I want to hold their hands and kiss their cheeks. I know it’s a little twisted, and that I need to set boundaries. My mother often tells me that a good mom wants her sons to become independent and eventually marry if they choose. But what does that make me, wishing every year for two grown men living in my basement, eager for movie nights with mom? That would be ideal, right? Right?

This feeling differs from what I experience with my daughters, leaving me (perhaps naively) confident in our lasting connection. With my sons, however, I worry about establishing necessary boundaries that I, myself, require from my own mother-in-law. I’ll struggle not to smother them with lengthy phone calls, too-long hugs, and spontaneous weekend visits. But I know I must for the sake of their relationships.

Perhaps these shifts in dynamics unfold gradually? Right now, cuddled up on the couch under our blanket, the thought of creating distance between us is too heartbreaking to fathom. It genuinely feels unbearable. But maybe, as the years progress and small changes accumulate, it will feel less devastating and more natural. I hope that eventually, we’ll find a new normal—less dependent but still connected in a way that’s appropriate for us both. I really hope it takes a long time to get to that point, though.

Jamie Carson is a former lawyer and a mother of four who isn’t afraid to express herself. She resides in Beverly, Massachusetts.

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Summary:

The author reflects on the bittersweet realization of her boys growing up and the inevitable changes in their relationship. While currently enjoying their close bond, she grapples with feelings of panic about future independence and potential romantic interests. She acknowledges the need for boundaries while expressing a desire to maintain their close-knit family dynamic. Ultimately, she hopes for a gradual transition to a new normal that preserves their connection.

Keyphrase: Motherhood and Growing Up

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