What I Discovered as a Newly Single Mom in the Dating Scene by Emma Lee
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There I was, embracing my identity as a single mother—content with where I was, not feeling the need for a partner, yet still open to the idea. I realized that to find someone who could enhance my life and share in my aspirations and parenting journey, I would have to take the leap and embrace the vulnerability that accompanies dating. I was looking for someone who could connect with my nurturing personality and appreciate all that I bring to the table.
The thought of diving back into dating was overwhelming for the same reasons that have haunted single moms before me, compounded by the harsh realities of a swipe-based dating culture where even the most appealing individuals can be ghosted after just a few messages. Acknowledging my role as a mom was the first step; accepting that I’d need to summon some serious resilience was the second.
Having spent over a decade married to a dedicated academic, I had followed him across the country during our time together. He was intelligent and engaging but often emotionally and physically absent, prioritizing his career over our relationship. My desire to please led me to neglect my own needs, ultimately resulting in the end of our marriage after countless counseling sessions. Divorce wasn’t my goal, but it became the healthiest option. During that challenging time, I discovered my identity beyond my ex-husband. I focused on my children, pursued personal goals, and found joy in writing and advocacy work. I was ready for my next chapter as Emma 2.0.
Moving into a trendy downtown apartment felt like an essential part of my healing process. I found a place with a heated pool and breathtaking mountain views, where I spent many hours with my kids. It was in this setting that I learned two things about myself: first, that I apparently fit the “MILF” category, and second, that my assessment of my children’s cuteness was spot-on. On the rooftop, I was asked out several times in a similar manner, which boosted my confidence. Though I wasn’t in my early twenties anymore, it felt good to know I still had “it.” I became quite the detective, noting that playful interactions with my kids, a bit of eye contact, and some smiling typically led to a dinner invitation.
I agreed to one date that turned out to be pleasant, but I quickly sensed a warning signal: he shared my marriage story, revealing that his wife left for nearly the same reasons as my ex. I couldn’t risk repeating that cycle of heartache. I thanked him for the lovely evening and declined a second date.
Then came an online dating app called Hinge, and with it, some surreal experiences. As a speech and language pathologist and autism advocate, I was excited to meet someone who adored his neurodivergent daughter. But when he sent a video that left me in stitches—let’s just say it was not what I expected—I decided we weren’t a match.
Enter Hunter, a rugged mountain man who embodied the outdoorsy lifestyle. He was charming and had a kind spirit, but his frequent absences due to his outdoor adventures made me anxious. I found myself checking my phone constantly, worrying about whether I’d hear from him. While our time together was enjoyable, our communication styles didn’t align. I realized I needed someone who could match my expectations for daily communication, which felt reasonable given my parenting responsibilities.
After Hunter, I continued to navigate Hinge, encountering more unsolicited photos and eventually connecting with a captivating man named Jared. A decade older, worldly, and intelligent, he was also a father to a neurodivergent son. Points for Jared! He engaged with me about my kids and kept our conversation flowing with delightful banter.
We exchanged messages for weeks, creating a connection reminiscent of my favorite rom-com. It was thrilling to hear him express his eagerness to meet my children—a sentiment that resonated deeply with me. We have been dating for months, exploring the mountains of Utah and enjoying cozy movie nights. Together, we dream of building a more inclusive world for neurodivergent individuals while blending our families. We laugh together, support each other, and at the end of the day, we return to our own individual selves, which feels wonderfully healthy and fulfilling.
Emma Lee is a mom, author, and advocate residing in Salt Lake City. You can often find her working with neurodivergent children or crafting her next big writing project at her favorite coffee shop while sipping an Americano. Emma believes in the importance of understanding, loving, and welcoming others into our lives.
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Summary:
Navigating the dating world as a newly single mom can be daunting, but it can also lead to unexpected discoveries about oneself and the types of relationships that truly matter. From humorous encounters to meaningful connections, each experience contributes to personal growth and the quest for a compatible partner.
Keyphrase: Single Mom Dating Journey
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