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I wasn’t the best parent when it came to my toddlers. I often felt irritated, bored, and reactive. I lacked patience when my kids tried to put on their own shoes or zip their own coats. Always in a hurry to move on to the next task, their slow pace annoyed me. I found sitting on the floor doing puzzles or playing games to be utterly tedious. I lost my temper every time my kids spilled their cups of water on the table. I basically ignored all the advice from parenting experts about staying calm.
During those early years, I spent a lot of time waiting for dinner times, bath times, and bedtimes to pass so I could relax with some TV or a good book. I often felt like I was pretending to be excited about my kids’ activities while battling a mix of frustration and exhaustion beneath the surface. On top of that, I felt guilt for not “savoring every moment,” as well-meaning strangers often reminded me while waiting in line at the grocery store. While I smiled and nodded at their advice, my inner voice wanted to respond with something less polite.
So it might not be surprising that, while pregnant with my fourth child and juggling three others aged seven and under, I found myself sitting in a therapist’s office. I was overwhelmed, questioning how I would manage the next 40 years of parenting. The thought of caring for another baby who needed constant attention filled me with shame, as I felt like I was merely going through the motions of parenting without any true joy.
What my therapist—who resembled those well-meaning ladies in the grocery store—told me changed everything. “Kelly, different people excel at different stages of their kids’ lives. Some are fantastic with babies but struggle with teenagers. Others find toddlers tedious but thrive with adult children. You must give yourself permission to not cherish every second or every phase of your kids’ lives.”
Her words lifted an unbearable weight off my shoulders, allowing me to continue my parenting journey without the burden of guilt. I realized I could reinvent myself with each stage of my children’s development.
Interestingly, while I didn’t enjoy parenting toddlers, I truly love parenting tweens and teens. Developmental psychologists say these stages share similarities—rapid brain growth, individuation, and tantrums—but my toddlers lacked the language to express themselves, leading to frustration. In contrast, my teens are expressive and humorous, which balances out the tough moments—like mood swings and poor choices.
Recently, I spoke with Dr. Lisa Monroe on The Growth Podcast, where she emphasized that “history is not destiny.” This concept, which she elaborates on in her book with her colleague, The Art of Resilience, highlights two key points: our upbringing doesn’t dictate how we parent, and our past parenting doesn’t define our future approach. Each day presents a new opportunity to improve our parenting.
So, if you’re just trying to survive each day, feeling like you’re not doing a great job and definitely not enjoying every moment, take this lifeline: your child will grow into a new stage, and with that transition, you’ll have a chance to evolve as a parent. At every turn, there’s potential to become more loving, patient, and present than before. And when things feel tough, remember: history is not destiny—tomorrow brings a fresh start.
Kelly Thompson is the co-host of The Growth Podcast and the founder of Empower Parent, a platform dedicated to supporting parents through their journey. You can find her on Instagram @kellythompson.
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Summary:
Parenting toddlers can be a challenging experience, filled with frustration and impatience. It’s important to recognize that not every stage of parenting has to be enjoyable. Embracing the idea that each phase presents a chance for reinvention can alleviate guilt and shame. The journey of parenting allows for growth and improvement, and it’s crucial to remember that past experiences do not dictate future ones.
Keyphrase: Parenting challenges during toddler years
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