On our first outing, my wife, Sarah, directly asked me, “Do you snore?” Without hesitation, I replied, “Not at all — and I’m not a fan of sports, I love brunch, and my guilty pleasure is reality TV.” Okay, I might’ve stretched the truth a bit, but denying my snoring was one of the best choices I ever made. Fast forward, and we’re happily married with a wonderful 3-month-old son named Oliver. If I had admitted to my nightly symphony of snorts, kicks, and sleep-induced antics, I might still be single, stuck in a cramped studio apartment somewhere.
Today, Sarah and I enjoy a fulfilling marriage, and one of the keys to our happiness is our decision to have separate bedrooms. Not just separate beds, but entirely different rooms. When friends discover this arrangement, they often exclaim, “That’s so odd!” Perhaps, but we’re also incredibly well-rested.
People often say, “There’s nothing quite like the warmth of a partner next to you at night.” Sure, but I’d argue that nothing beats the comfort of a cool mattress. When we first started dating, I found it surprising that such a petite person like Sarah took up a king-size bed. Standing at 5-foot-4, she tends to sleep diagonally, stretching her arms wide, which makes sharing the space nearly impossible. More often than not, she wakes up completely horizontal, leaving me with mere inches of mattress.
As a light sleeper who has battled insomnia for years, Sarah found it challenging to share a bed with someone who transforms into a sleep monster. Initially, we attempted to spend the night together, but we both ended up as groggy zombies the next day. When we moved in together, we made it a point to each have our own bedrooms. At our wedding, we even joked about adding a vow: “I promise to love you in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, in separate bedrooms until death do us part.”
Let’s be honest: sharing a bed doesn’t always lead to better sleep; it often disrupts it. Back in the 1950s, it was commonplace for couples to have separate beds, and they understood the value of uninterrupted sleep. We took it a step further by having completely separate rooms on opposite ends of our apartment. We made this choice out of love for one another.
Now that we have a baby, I’m preparing to be displaced from my room to accommodate Oliver. For now, he sleeps in the living room, but soon we’ll swap spaces, and my new 8-by-10 room will be sectioned off with a divider for a bit of privacy. My queen mattress will be downsized to a full, and for the first time, my bedroom will be devoid of a TV and a dresser.
Before Sarah decided on the divider, she humorously suggested several alternatives for my sleeping arrangement: outside on our tiny patio, in the bathtub, or even wedged behind the couch. Thankfully, her love prevailed, and I’ll be getting a divider instead.
According to a 2005 National Sleep Foundation study, nearly 25% of couples opt to sleep separately, whether in different beds or rooms. People are beginning to recognize that our grandparents, who maintained decades-long marriages, were onto something. They would sit down for family dinners, enjoy shows like The Ed Sullivan Show, and then part ways to their own bedrooms for a good night’s rest.
If you’re in a relationship and you prefer your own sleeping space, suggesting separate bedrooms may initially offend your partner. But don’t fret; they may eventually come around to the idea. Here’s hoping for the best.
One day, Oliver will likely ask, “Mommy, why do you and Daddy sleep in different rooms?” And Sarah will smile and say, “Because Daddy snores, sweetie. That’s the reason.” This lesson will stick with him for life.
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Summary:
In conclusion, separate bedrooms have been a game-changer for my marriage. While it may seem odd to some, it has allowed both my wife and I to enjoy restful sleep and maintain our relationship harmony. As we navigate parenthood, we’ll continue to prioritize our individual needs, ensuring that love and laughter fill our home.