The Unseen Burden of Motherhood
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One morning, while rummaging through my drawer, I stumbled upon an old Mother’s Day card, vibrantly decorated and emblazoned with the words “YOU ARE SUPERMOM!” While intended as a gesture of love and appreciation, it left me feeling anything but cherished. Instead, I was hit with a surge of frustration. Why was I so upset over a card that was meant to be positive? The sounds of my kids squabbling downstairs jolted me back to reality, and the day took off from there.
As the day progressed, the phrase “supermom” replayed in my mind, reigniting that anger. After some self-reflection (as therapists often do), I realized I was grappling with something I hadn’t allowed myself to confront: the fact that mothers carry an unfair share of the mental and emotional responsibilities of parenting, only to receive the “supermom” label once a year. Yet, that title feels hollow—it’s more talk than action.
Four years ago, when my partner handed me that card amidst a whirlwind of bottles, diapers, and endless laundry, I likely smiled and thanked him. But deep down, I felt a void. I would never voice that emptiness, as I had bought into the narrative that only gratitude was acceptable. I know he meant well, but what I truly needed was time, along with his consistent support as a loving and capable partner.
My experiences as a mother of three, combined with countless therapy sessions with other mothers, have led me to understand that the labor of motherhood often goes unnoticed. Sure, people see the Instagram posts celebrating milestones and the smiles during school pickups, but they miss the countless small tasks that bridge the gap between those moments. The planning, organizing, phone calls, and sleepless nights—the worry for our children in an increasingly demanding world—often remain hidden because our society thrives on the unpaid labor of women. Additionally, many women know that revealing the true extent of their work may lead to judgments of weakness or, worse, ingratitude for the gift of motherhood.
The irony of the “supermom” label is that, when we inevitably can’t do it all or find time for self-care, we are blamed for our inability. We’re labeled as lazy, told to outsource our tasks (often leading to the underpayment of already exploited domestic workers), and pressured to find time to focus on ourselves so we don’t lose our youth or attractiveness. Yet, isn’t that what was asked of us in the first place—to be invisible? The truth is stark: time is a finite resource, and we cannot give everything away and still remain whole. We are human, and there’s nothing extraordinary about that.
The belief in the “supermom” archetype isn’t limited to men; many women subscribe to it, too. I often hear mothers taking on excessive blame for their burnout, strained relationships, and unhappiness—and I used to do the same until I began to explore my feelings of anger and resentment. I finally listened to that voice within that urged me to step away from a narrative I hadn’t authored.
By allowing myself to question the status quo and engage with the work of women paving a new path, I awakened to a new perspective. I changed how I discussed motherhood with my clients and even authored a book, “A Little Less of a Hot Mess,” to encourage women in their personal growth journeys—through which I experienced significant growth myself.
Research and conversations with mothers have allowed me to challenge many assumptions we’ve been conditioned to accept in psychology. For instance, while 85% of fathers express a desire to be involved during the newborn stage, many lack access to paid time off, leading to women shouldering the bulk of early parenting duties. This default often leaves mothers as the primary caregivers, even when they anticipated a more equitable sharing of responsibilities.
I often hear people remark on how “lucky” I am to have a partner who contributes significantly. He prepares meals, manages drop-offs, and offers emotional support (just like I do). But this isn’t luck; it’s co-parenting. I made a conscious effort to ensure my work as a mother is recognized, enabling my partner to share the parenting load, leading us towards a more balanced life.
It’s time to shift the narrative around motherhood, starting with simple yet impactful changes in our language, the cards we choose to give, and how we acknowledge the work of both mothers and fathers.
Jamie Collins is a therapist specializing in women’s mental health, motherhood, and anxiety. As the author of “A Little Less of a Hot Mess,” a speaker, and podcaster, she aims to provide vital mental health resources to empower women in their roles as mothers and beyond. Join Jamie’s community on Instagram @wellnotesforher. For more insights, check out this other blog post.
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In summary, mothers often find their hard work remains unseen and undervalued. The title of “supermom” tends to be an empty label, masking the true emotional and mental burdens they carry. It’s essential to change this narrative, highlighting the importance of recognizing and celebrating both mothers and fathers in their parenting roles.
Keyphrase: Mothers’ Work and Recognition
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