Managing Anxiety Through a Tidy Home: A Personal Reflection

I know this might come across as boasting, but hear me out. People often ask me, “How do you keep your house so clean with four little kids?” Each time I get this compliment, I feel a wave of embarrassment wash over me. “There’s no need to be impressed,” I tell them. “It’s just how my anxiety manifests itself.”

My home is perpetually tidy. Toys don’t pile up on the floors; art projects aren’t left unfinished, and couch tents don’t remain standing overnight. Instead of one big cleanup at the end of the day, I’m engaged in countless small tidy-ups from morning until night. My anxiety makes it necessary for me to maintain this order, preventing me from relaxing enough to let my kids explore and be creative. I often find myself cleaning in the middle of their play because the mess starts to trigger a sense of panic. This interrupts their imaginative play and pulls us all away from enjoying that precious time together.

I clean to manage my anxiety, but that’s just the beginning. I also feel the need to monitor their activities closely because I’m constantly worried about their safety. My mind races with thoughts about potential dangers, and I find myself issuing safety reminders as they play. I vividly recall a walk with my sister and my two young children when we stumbled upon a massive dirt pile. My three-year-old was eager to climb, and I panicked. “What are you so worried about?” my sister asked, assuming I was concerned about dirt or minor injuries. I bluntly replied, “Death. I always worry about death.”

It’s hard for others to understand how such thoughts could arise in seemingly innocuous situations. Yet, that’s where my anxiety leads me. Whether we’re at the park, on vacation, or simply walking through a parking lot, I’m often too anxious to fully savor those moments because I’m worried about keeping them safe.

This constant vigilance also pulls me to my phone—checking messages, updating my calendar, and scrolling through social media. My mind races with worries, compelling me to tick tasks off my to-do list for a fleeting sense of control. Even while playing at the park or engaging with my kids, I often drift mentally, needing to check my phone to calm my overactive brain. Unfortunately, this only exacerbates my tech addiction and teaches my kids that my phone takes precedence over our time together.

I struggle to adopt the “I’ll handle that later” mindset that I see my friends effortlessly embrace. As a result, interruptions during our activities are common. Whenever an anxious thought arises, I instantly jump to the new worry, shifting focus away from what’s happening in front of me. Even when I’m physically present—watching a game or playing with dolls—my mind is busy planning and problem-solving. I often lose patience and snap at my kids out of stress and distraction, feeling like my thoughts are on an endless pinball machine loop.

It can be incredibly challenging to enjoy these fleeting moments of life, and I resent my anxiety for pulling my attention away from my children’s laughter and joy. I’m determined to change this pattern. I’m working on allowing “messes” to linger a little longer, resisting the urge to tidy up as soon as my kids walk away. I’m also trying to leave my phone in another room (while still relying on my smartwatch because, let’s be honest, change doesn’t happen overnight). Following my therapist’s advice, I’m experimenting with the “tapping method” to address my racing thoughts, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. Ultimately, I aim to be more mindful of when anxiety pulls me from these invaluable moments with my children so that I can implement effective strategies for managing it. Because I’m tired of letting it dictate my life, and I suspect my kids are, too.

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Summary: In this reflection, I share how my anxiety influences my need for a tidy home, impacting both my well-being and my children’s play. I discuss my struggles with over-policing their activities and my attempts to find balance by allowing for more messiness in our lives. I’m actively working on strategies to manage my anxiety and be more present with my kids.

Keyphrase: Managing anxiety through a tidy home

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