I Stopped Nagging in the Mornings, and It Changed Everything

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I used to dread my mornings. The sound of my own voice was unbearable: “Get out of bed in 1… 2…” “Brush your teeth!” “We’re going to be late!” You get the picture. As a trained yoga instructor, I wake up early to meditate, but the stress of the chaotic hour that followed was negating all those calming benefits. No matter how hard I tried, my two sons, ages 6 and 8, moved at a snail’s pace. Finally, this spring, I decided enough was enough. I would hold my tongue — and yes, I actually ended up biting it — regardless of how late my kids were to school. And guess what? It made a world of difference.

Before this realization, I had tried a bunch of strategies with my boys: bribing them, confiscating their spending money, taking away screen time and even dessert (I know, not ideal). I scripted a detailed morning routine — which we never stuck to — and experimented with different wake-up times. I sought my husband’s help, but he was just as frazzled and often late for work.

So, I decided to see what would happen if I just stopped nagging. The rules of my no-nagging experiment were straightforward: I would not pester the boys in the mornings. If that meant we didn’t leave on time, they would face the natural consequences of being late to class. How crucial is punctuality for kindergarten and second grade anyway? Not as much as the damage that my constant nagging was inflicting on our relationship and my self-esteem.

I had two advantages that not all parents have: I’m self-employed, and my kids actually want to arrive at school on time. My easily distracted older son is a stickler for being on time, even if he struggles with the process. My younger son may be slow at breakfast, but he despises missing the kindergarten’s “morning salutation.” A friend of mine says her kids would miss school if she didn’t nag them.

Since my boys were born, I’ve struggled to get us out the door. When the last car seat buckle clicks, I feel as if I deserve a medal. A part of me was relieved when the pandemic hit because we avoided the morning rush. After 18 months of remote learning, I dreaded returning to that chaotic routine.

Surprisingly, biting my tongue wasn’t as challenging as I expected, except on particularly sleep-deprived days. I took deep breaths and tackled housework while the boys took their time. I tried to gently encourage them, like when my 8-year-old was reading the dictionary 10 minutes after we should have left:

Me: “Hey, whatcha doing?” (Not: “What are you thinking?! Do you know what time it is?”)
Him: “Oh. Yeah. Right. I guess I should brush my teeth.”

For nearly two weeks, we arrived at school between five to 25 minutes late. It wasn’t catastrophic. Then two friends who noticed my no-nagging updates on Instagram suggested timers. I shared the idea with the boys, and my older son embraced it immediately. He set alarms on the iPad to ring every 10 minutes starting an hour before we ideally needed to leave. He was responsible for turning them off, which meant he had to keep an eye on the clock.

And guess what? It’s working. In the last two days before spring break, we were no more than three minutes late. I worried that this new routine wouldn’t last after the vacation, but so far, it has. I’ve swapped out commands like “Pick up your dirty clothes!” for “I see clothes on the floor.” Staying mindful is much tougher in the evenings when we’re all exhausted and cleaning up toys is the issue. I still struggle with a child who wakes up grumpy or another anxious about playground conflicts who doesn’t want to get out of the car.

Overall, this experiment has been a massive success. My older son has even taken on a leadership role, acting as a drill sergeant if he thinks his brother or I are falling behind. This method works better than my own nagging — the little one is more motivated to please his big brother than me. One morning, the boys even had five minutes of screen time because they were ahead of schedule, while I was simply on time.

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In summary, by giving my children more autonomy in the morning, I’ve not only reduced my stress but also fostered a more positive relationship with them. This experience has taught me that sometimes stepping back can lead to greater progress.

Keyphrase: Stop Nagging in the Mornings

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