My Mother’s Struggle with Disordered Eating Impacted Our Bond, But Now We’re Stronger Than Ever

pregnant woman in pink dress sitting on bed

My mother has faced challenges with disordered eating throughout her adult life. Born in 1948, she was heavily influenced by the beauty ideals of the 1960s, which celebrated figures like Twiggy and Jean Shrimpton. By the age of 12, she was consumed by thoughts of thinness. By 15, she was engaging in extreme dieting, including a phase where her diet consisted solely of apricots and apricot brandy. As she entered her 20s and pursued a career in show business as a singer and actress, her relationship with her body deteriorated further. For over 40 years in Hollywood, she was often cast in roles that required her to be exceptionally thin. “Maintaining an underweight appearance was part of the job,” she once shared with me. Her inconsistent eating habits persisted even after marriage and the birth of me, her only child. For stretches of time, her meals consisted solely of cottage cheese and orange marmalade, while other periods revolved around yogurt and pecan praline granola. Dinner sometimes meant nothing more than frozen mango, and her go-to drinks ranged from coffee to Diet Coke and sugar-free energy drinks. Recently, she has shifted to ginger kombucha.

Though my mother and I have always shared a close bond, her eating disorder created resentment and pain in our relationship. As a teenager, I also became obsessed with weight loss, influenced by the mid-2000s culture that idolized thinness and showcased unrealistic body standards. We spent countless hours watching shows like Project Runway and America’s Next Top Model, and my mom would buy tabloids filled with derogatory headlines about celebrity bodies. Her erratic eating habits were evident to me through the limited food options in our fridge and the abundance of protein powder scattered throughout her bedroom. She would often commend my weight loss, referring to me as her “little model” or “little string bean.” While numerous factors contributed to my own disordered eating—such as societal beauty standards, insensitive peers, and online platforms—I recognized my mother’s influence early on. Watching her struggle with body image made me anxious about inheriting those same issues.

I felt a mix of anger and sadness, fearing that this pattern would be a lifelong battle for me. I craved a sense of closeness and safety with her, yet our relationship felt strained. Everything began to shift when we both openly addressed her eating habits and body image issues. Midway through my college years, we had our first conversation not just as mother and daughter, but as two women navigating similar challenges. About a year ago, at 72, she began seeing a nutritional therapist. I felt a wave of relief and pride—she was finally confronting her disordered eating, even if it was later in life. After just a few sessions, she shared, “I’m enjoying being strong. And I’m really enjoying breakfast, so that’s progress.” This gave me hope for my own journey. We’ve learned to celebrate the small victories together: the joy of chatting with strangers at the grocery store, savoring a walk surrounded by blooming flowers, or indulging in an afternoon iced coffee. We also confide in each other during difficult times, sharing our struggles around food and body image.

She is making an effort to eat more consistently and healthily, but recently stopped seeing her therapist. She admitted, “I still have many self-destructive tendencies. I don’t think I’m truly motivated to change for myself. I want to do it for you because I love you so much.” I love her deeply as well, but I worry that without her committing to changes for herself, they may not endure. Admitting this is tough, but what truly matters is the progress we’ve made in our relationship. I now have an ally in my mom, and she has one in me.

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Summary:

In this heartfelt narrative, Jamie Taylor reflects on the impact of her mother’s lifelong struggle with disordered eating on their relationship. Despite the challenges and resentment that arose from her mother’s habits, they have both found a path toward understanding and healing. Their journey emphasizes the importance of open communication and mutual support in overcoming personal battles.

Keyphrase: Mother-daughter relationship and eating disorders
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