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In a world increasingly shaped by gender identities, some parents are choosing to raise their children without assigning them a gender, affectionately calling them “theybies.” These parents opt for neutral names, pronouns, toys, and clothing, allowing their kids the freedom to discover their own identities when they are ready.
While there isn’t comprehensive data on the prevalence of this gender-neutral baby movement, a 2018 report from NBC News indicated that a Facebook group for parents raising theybies had around 220 members, a number that has grown to approximately 770 today. Many parents have also connected through social media and blogs focused on this topic. Raising a child free from gender norms can be challenging, especially in a society still rife with traditional stereotypes, from the ubiquitous gender reveal parties to clothing that reinforces classic gender roles. Some parents even feel that achieving gender neutrality is an impossible task, despite their best intentions.
What Is the Gender-Neutral Baby Movement?
Scott Thompson, an expert in naming conventions, notes that a segment of progressive parents is committed to raising their babies in a gender-neutral environment. This approach has evolved alongside changing perceptions of gender and sex. Initially, the focus was on allowing children to play with any type of toy and wear whatever they liked, minimizing gendered expectations. Nowadays, some parents take it a step further by withholding their child’s assigned sex at birth from everyone except caregivers and medical professionals. The goal is for the child to explore and express their gender identity when they choose to do so.
Experiences of Raising Theybies
While some parents report their theybies turning into imaginative and confident individuals, others acknowledge the difficulties that accompany this parenting choice. Critics of the movement argue that it can inadvertently erase LGBTQ+ identities by suggesting that gender simply doesn’t exist.
“I never wanted my children to feel they had to conform to societal expectations,” says Jamie, a Michigan-based dad. “I want them to think creatively and express themselves authentically.” He has noticed that this approach has fostered confidence in his children, enabling them to resist bullying and maintain their individuality.
Another parent, Alex, emphasizes the role of the internet in shaping their children’s understanding of gender. “While it offers a wealth of information, it can also confuse them,” Alex explains. “I encourage them to prioritize their own feelings and experiences over online narratives.”
New York mom, Taylor, reflects on her journey of raising a theybie, noting her desire to eliminate gendered assumptions early on. “After an ultrasound, I was tired of the constant questioning about whether I was having a boy or a girl, so I threw a gender-neutral party,” she recalls. “I didn’t want my child to feel boxed in by societal norms.”
Does It Erase Queer Identities?
Some queer parents, like Jordan, argue that ignoring gender altogether can lead to the erasure of gender-diverse identities. “We want to celebrate all identities, whether cis or non-binary,” Jordan states. “Our goal is to provide options and education so our children understand the spectrum of gender while feeling free to express themselves.”
In embracing a variety of experiences and options, parents like Jordan ensure their kids grow up with a comprehensive understanding of gender identities, allowing for more authentic self-expression.
For additional insights on this topic, check out our post on raising gender-neutral children and how to navigate societal expectations. Also, explore resources on home insemination and pregnancy to better understand your options.
Summary
Parents raising “theybies” are choosing to foster a gender-neutral environment for their children, allowing them to explore and define their identities on their terms. While this movement faces challenges and criticism, many believe it nurtures creativity, confidence, and individuality. The conversation around gender continues to evolve, emphasizing the importance of education and open-mindedness in parenting.
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