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One day, while my 11-year-old was tossing a giant red ball with me in our basement, he suddenly asked, “Mom, what’s the Playboy Mansion?” I was so taken aback that the ball hit me right in the face. We had just been discussing his 6th-grade Spanish quiz, and now we were diving into a complex piece of pop culture history.
In our household, no topic is off-limits. I might sidestep questions that invade my privacy, like “Mom, how old were you when you first had sex?” or simplify answers to tough subjects like abortion. However, my guiding principle—echoed by child psychologists—is to never lie or dodge my child’s questions.
So, my first step was to gauge where this question stemmed from. I asked, “Where did you hear about the Playboy Mansion?” He told me, “Remember that Lakers show I was watching with Dad that I thought was inappropriate? They showed the Playboy Mansion in that.” Great, just what I needed; a recommendation against watching Winning Time for an 11-year-old.
Now I had the context for my answer. I reminded myself not to lecture him and began with Hugh Hefner, the creator of Playboy (who, for the record, passed away in 2017). I asked, “Have you heard of Playboy?” He replied, “Isn’t that like porn, but in a magazine?” This response highlighted how pornography has changed over the years. In our youth, it was often hidden in magazines or VHS tapes, but nowadays, it’s readily available on various devices, impacting everyone from toddlers to seniors.
I had already discussed pornography with my son multiple times because I believe it’s crucial for him to understand its implications as he grows up. The average boy is exposed to porn around 11 years old—right at my son’s age—so it’s either an open dialogue with me or him learning from misinformed peers or confusing online content.
After establishing what Playboy represented, we explored the Playboy Mansion itself. I explained that it was Hefner’s home in Los Angeles where he lived with several women, often referred to as his girlfriends, and hosted extravagant parties. Being invited was considered prestigious among certain Hollywood circles. Feeling I could add a moral perspective, I expressed that while many viewed the Mansion as glamorous, it was, in reality, a troubling space rife with misogyny.
I then asked if he knew what misogyny meant. He answered, “Is it when men think they’re superior to women?” I was both pleased and saddened by his understanding. I elaborated on the Greek origins of the term, explaining it denotes men who harbor hatred toward women.
In a surprising turn, he asked, “Did they rape the women in the Playboy Mansion?” I paused, caught off guard. Although we had addressed the topic of rape before, he was now connecting it to misogyny on his own. His follow-up inquiry revealed that he sensed the Mansion wasn’t a safe or fair environment for women, and the portrayal in the show troubled him.
I replied honestly, “I don’t know for sure, but it was definitely not a good place for women.” He nodded, and we resumed our game of catch.
While I wish he hadn’t encountered the show that sparked this conversation, I’m grateful for the opportunity it created for us to tackle complex issues together with openness and trust.
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