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Listen Up: Essential Perimenopause Insights You Might Not Know
Ever felt like you were suddenly engulfed by heat, even though you’re “too young” for hot flashes? If that resonates, read on.
By Alex Morgan
Updated: Feb. 20, 2024
Originally Published: May 6, 2022
It hit me unexpectedly one evening while I was passionately recounting a frustrating family incident to my partner. Initially, I thought the heat coursing through me was just a surge of emotion. It felt akin to stepping out of a hot shower and struggling to cool down, or that flushed feeling after a few too many drinks with friends. But soon, the warmth escalated to the point where I felt completely overwhelmed, reminiscent of being “spread eagle in the Gobi Desert,” as my former mother-in-law used to say during her hot flashes. I stepped outside to catch my breath, bewildered and panting, as I later saw on my doorbell camera.
With my 40th birthday looming just six weeks away, I had assumed I had many years before facing any of this. While I knew perimenopause could start in the mid-thirties, I thought it merely meant occasional irregular periods or minor hormonal shifts. I never anticipated feeling like I was on fire on my front porch. It turns out, I’m not alone in my lack of awareness regarding this transitional phase. A 2021 study revealed that nearly half of women globally are either uninformed about or completely unaware of perimenopause. For instance, 44% didn’t know what it was until they experienced it; 46% were surprised when it began; and 34% were unaware of the two stages of menopause, despite being in one. The statistics highlight a significant gap in knowledge—think about how much you learned about your first period compared to your last one. It’s a stark contrast.
Cultural taboos surrounding female bodies, particularly as they age, contribute to this widespread ignorance. It’s also vital to recognize that those who are trans men or non-binary can experience symptoms due to estrogen fluctuations, making this a broader issue.
Symptoms of Perimenopause
Curious about what others are experiencing, I began asking around and was taken aback by the variety of symptoms shared—and the realization that many close to me had never discussed this topic. A friend several years my senior has endured hot flashes for years, while another, also older, has shown no symptoms at all. A peer, just a week older than me, found it laughable that we should even be considering this yet.
Yet it’s important to pay attention: a friend of a friend has been suffering from severe night sweats, while another battles late-onset chronic migraines. One friend lamented about not having a good night’s sleep for months, and another mentioned, “I have a wiry hair under my chin that I can’t stop touching, so I have to keep plucking it.” It was amusing at first, but then it dawned on me—I’ve been dealing with some aggressive chin hairs as well, not to mention chronic headaches. Last summer, I even asked my doctor why no deodorant seemed effective anymore. Clearly, perimenopause has been affecting me for a while; I just didn’t connect the dots.
In my quest for objective information, I found the usual sources frustratingly vague. For instance, the Cleveland Clinic simply states that “perimenopause describes the time when your cycles are no longer predictable.” Really? Many report debilitating symptoms that extend far beyond typical hot flashes or irregular periods. Some women suffer from severe anxiety or depressive episodes, while others face bouts of uncontrollable rage. A woman quoted in a New York Times article mentioned experiencing such intense brain fog that she was initially concerned about early-onset Alzheimer’s.
In addition to the more commonly known symptoms of perimenopause, many experience lesser-known but equally distressing issues, including:
- Chronic heartburn
- Vaginal bleeding during or after sex
- Persistent dry eyes
- Incontinence
- Nausea
- Chills
- Dry skin
- Hair loss
- Burning Mouth Syndrome, characterized by a burning sensation in the mouth
But the symptoms don’t stop there. As your body navigates these hormonal fluctuations, you might encounter:
- Unusual body odor
- Tinnitus
- Fatigue
- Breast tenderness
- Burning tongue
- Dental issues or gum disease
Seeking Treatment for Perimenopause
The reality is we need to engage in conversations about these issues much more than we currently do. Remaining uninformed about potential bodily changes—especially when 73% of women reportedly avoid seeking treatment—is simply not an option. But whom do we turn to for guidance? Doctors would be a logical choice, yet many seem just as lost. A survey of medical residents revealed that only 7% felt prepared to assist someone experiencing menopause, and 20% had received no training on the subject at all. While some practitioners can provide genuine help once symptoms begin, finding one who is knowledgeable may be a challenge. The North American Menopause Society’s practitioner portal is a good starting point.
Once you locate a trustworthy doctor, it’s essential to discuss whether your experiences align with perimenopause or if they stem from other issues. For instance, reduced libido can arise from various factors, not just hormonal changes. Inquire about available treatments, such as hormone therapy, vaginal estrogen, or even off-label medications like gabapentin, which can alleviate hot flashes. Antidepressants may also help with mood fluctuations that sometimes accompany hormonal shifts.
Connecting for Support
Ultimately, we all need to engage in open dialogues about these experiences. Support groups are available for those seeking connection. Remember Peanut, the app that helps moms make friends? They recently launched a menopause group as well. Subreddits like r/Menopause and r/AskWomenOver30 are also valuable resources, where discussions about perimenopause often reveal that many individuals began experiencing symptoms in their thirties.
However, we need to address these issues in our daily lives too. Instead of hiding our symptoms—rooted in the stigma surrounding menstruation and aging—let’s be more candid. Explain to colleagues why you’re suddenly sweating in a meeting. Share with friends your discovery of a fantastic lubricant. Break the silence between generations, as only 9% of women discuss menopause symptoms with their mothers, and inform younger women about what they might expect.
The more we communicate, the better prepared we’ll be for our unexpected journeys into the heat of the Gobi Desert and the changes that lie ahead.
For more insights, check out our other blog post here. If you’re interested in learning more about home insemination, visit Make a Mom for authoritative information, or refer to the CDC’s resource for comprehensive guidance on pregnancy and home insemination.