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Mother’s Day twelve years ago was my breaking point. I woke up dreading it. My then-husband had invited his mother over, and I thought it was necessary to invite my mom too. The entire day turned into an exhausting marathon.
With toddlers full of excitement for their grandmothers, their dad tried to keep them entertained while I cooked and baked for seven people. By the time my guests arrived, I hadn’t even had a moment to sit down, and when I finally did, I hardly got to eat because the kids and adults all needed something from me. After all that, I was left to clean up the chaos—on Mother’s Day. I was furious.
Neither my mother nor my mother-in-law noticed my stress. My then-husband promised he’d clean up later, but I knew better; I’d be facing that mess alone the next day. I felt a surge of resentment and realized I needed a day that was truly about me, where I wasn’t responsible for everyone else.
I voiced my feelings to my then-husband, insisting that from now on, I wanted to spend Mother’s Day with him and the kids, just the four of us. I wanted to go out for lunch, then order dinner in. He responded, “So my mom can’t come over? It’s Mother’s Day.” I firmly said no. It was time for her to step back. She had enjoyed many years of being celebrated when her children were young. I wanted to be recognized on this day because, after all, I was the mom of his young kids. If he wanted, he could take the kids to her house for a few hours so I could have a break. He never did, and she wasn’t thrilled about my idea either. I wanted to honor our moms, but this was becoming overwhelming, and I wasn’t feeling celebrated at all.
In my younger years, I had always celebrated my mom on Mother’s Day; as my sisters and I became mothers ourselves, it became increasingly challenging to maintain those traditions. I could sense my mom’s disappointment as we struggled to keep up. After I took a stand, we established a new tradition: we’d dress up, capture a family photo, and go out to eat, no visitors allowed. I’m grateful I set that boundary; I’ve never regretted it.
Now that I’m divorced, my Mother’s Day routine consists of lunch with my mom the week prior and a sushi outing with my kids on the actual day. And it’s absolutely glorious.
Moms with young children at home do so much already. We’re the ones in the trenches, and we deserve a day that’s purely for us. Our mothers and mothers-in-law aren’t the ones driving kids to practice, preparing family meals every night, or tackling the daily challenges we face. They once did, but now it’s our turn. We should have the right to do whatever we wish on that day, even if it means skipping plans with our moms.
Some may enjoy hosting their mothers on Mother’s Day, and that’s wonderful if it works for them. But for many of us, it’s not the case. We all deserve the joy I feel when I wake up on Mother’s Day now. Chase that feeling.
For more insights, check out this blog post that dives into the experiences of motherhood.