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Once, I was excessively competitive, but I refuse to raise my daughter that way. My typically sweet child might have a hidden competitive spirit, but I want to guide her toward a different mindset.
When my husband and I first started living together, our evenings were filled with Gin Rummy and podcasts, a rather quiet way to unwind after dinner. But one fateful night, I discovered he had devised a new strategy: laying down his matches in a single dramatic motion while calling “Rummy!” before I could even count the cards. I saw this as unfair and reacted as anyone would—by scattering the cards across the table, storming out, and driving off to who knows where. I yelled, “I’m never playing with you again, you cheater!” Clearly, I was more like an 8-year-old than a 20-something.
My upbringing fostered a fierce sense of competition. Like many immigrants, I was taught that anything less than the best was unacceptable. This mindset, while understandable, became a troubling part of my identity. I found myself comparing grades with classmates and sulking if someone outperformed me. (I even snuck into the vice principal’s office once, just to gloat over GPAs. Charming, right?) Naturally, no one wanted to play games with me.
But everything changed when I became a mother. My initial fear was of becoming that mom—the one who brags about her child’s achievements. Yet, the moment I held my daughter, I recognized her uniqueness. I felt no need to compare her to anyone else; we were perfect for each other as we were.
However, I was shocked to discover that my usually gentle daughter also displayed a fierce competitive streak. Recently, her school organized a contest where students would write down the books they read on strips of paper to create a long chain. The child with the longest chain would earn bragging rights and a coveted toy. I knew my daughter loved to read, but I didn’t expect the intense look of determination in her eyes as she declared, “I will beat them all.”
I tried to instill a sense of fun, suggesting we could enjoy the activity without focusing on winning, but her response was resolute: “What’s the point if I don’t win?”
Despite my efforts to foster a collaborative spirit, her competitive instinct shone through. I was aware of the disadvantages some children might face, especially those without the resources to encourage reading at home. I didn’t want my daughter to equate her self-worth with the outcome of a contest, which often reflects arbitrary circumstances.
As the contest day approached, I attempted to lighten the mood, but she remained focused on winning. When the time came, her chain was impressive, but she did not win. Her friend Alex took home the prize. However, afterward, she returned to her usual self, acknowledging her friend’s achievement without resentment.
I reassured her that I was proud of her efforts. We cuddled up with a book after, just enjoying the moment.
Looking ahead, I know my daughter will face many competitive situations in life, from school contests to job applications. While her drive is admirable, I want to ensure that it doesn’t dictate her self-esteem or affect her relationships. The competitive spirit I grew up with isn’t inherently negative; it can be tied to ambition and determination. The key is to learn when to step back from competition and to appreciate our unique selves. After all, both my daughter and I are incomparable, as are we all.
If you’re curious about more insights on parenting or home insemination, check out this other blog post that dives deeper into related topics. For those interested in practical resources, you might find Make A Mom a useful authority on the subject, and Healthline offers excellent information about pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
In this article, the author reflects on her past as an overly competitive person and how she aims to instill a different mindset in her daughter. Despite her daughter’s emerging competitive spirit, the author emphasizes the importance of self-worth independent of competition and the unique bond they share. She acknowledges that while competitiveness can drive ambition, it’s crucial to recognize one’s individuality and avoid unnecessary comparisons.
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Keyphrase: Overcoming Competition in Parenting
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