I Struggle with Body Image and Fear My Daughters Will Too

Life has yet to diminish her self-love.

By Jamie Taylor
April 27, 2022
Photo by Sydney Bourne/Image Source/Getty Images

I watch my four-year-old daughter as she spins in front of the full-length mirror. Clad in a recently received hand-me-down dress and leggings, with bare feet and tousled hair, she twirls around, clutching the layers of tulle. With a beaming smile, she softly proclaims, “Wow. I am so beautiful.”

In that moment, my heart skips a beat. I’m filled with pride that I haven’t led her astray yet, but a wave of anxiety washes over me knowing that life may eventually challenge her self-esteem. I envy her, cherishing that she can have such an innocent and joyous moment in front of the mirror. After 37 years and four kids, embracing my own reflection feels nearly impossible. But perhaps by understanding my journey, I can carve a better path for her.

Maybe it began with my height? I was always the tallest girl in class — at the bottom of the pyramid and the last in group photos. I felt awkward and out of place in my long, tomboyish body. Instead of being called “tall,” kids referred to me as “big,” making me feel as if I was occupying too much space.

My perspective shifted when I joined competitive basketball. Discovering my ability to block shots and secure rebounds instilled a sense of strength and confidence in me. Then, in college, I met some tall guys and realized that I could embrace my femininity and that I wasn’t as “big” as I once thought. It’s easy to blame my struggles on social media and Hollywood’s unrealistic standards, but as I reflect, I see that my issues began much earlier, rooted in my youth.

Perhaps it was the boys from high school? I remember one who crudely remarked that my forehead was perfect for watching movies. There was another who suggested I could only perform certain acts if I hid my face, which would have been impossible. Comments about my hands being large or my face being “too long” etched themselves into my self-worth.

Or maybe it was the influence of my friends? I still remember the gasps that erupted when I unwrapped a chocolate bar in the cafeteria. One girl snatched it from me and loudly recited the caloric count for everyone to hear. It wasn’t long before I embarked on my first “diet.” In college, watching two friends develop eating disorders while meticulously counting their food portions made me question my own relationship with food and my body.

What about the women around me? My family and friends were my superheroes, supporting me through every awkward phase without any criticism about my appearance. Yet, they didn’t extend that same kindness to themselves. I recall their diets, exercise obsessions, and self-deprecating comments. It’s hard to believe their body dissatisfaction didn’t impact how I viewed myself.

How do I confront something so deeply ingrained? How can I shield my daughters from this relentless beast? I plan to lead with honesty. I’ll remind them often of their perfection while downplaying their physical appearance. I will strive to monitor their social media intake and engage in open conversations about the realities behind the images they see. I’ll encourage them to invest time in activities that boost their self-esteem, like dominating on the basketball court, and I’ll stand firm against any boy who makes them feel unworthy.

I’ll continue to work on my own issues, seeking joy in my reflection and sharing those moments aloud, knowing they’re listening. I won’t pretend to be endlessly happy and accepting of myself, as I fear such unrealistic expectations might hinder them. By sharing my struggles and insights about being a woman in today’s world, perhaps we can forge a path that allows for more compassion and understanding. But I know it won’t be easy.

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In summary, as I navigate my own body image struggles, I am determined to cultivate a nurturing environment for my daughters. I want them to embrace their beauty and worth without the weight of societal pressures, even if it means confronting my long-held insecurities along the way.

Keyphrase: body image issues in parenting

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