Be Present - modernfamilyblog.com

Stop Telling Me to ‘Savor Every Moment’

Navigating Presence Amidst Chaos

By Jordan Blake
April 20, 2022

I find myself on the living room floor, sifting through a basket of random toys, desperately searching for the Barbie with braided hair and a purple skirt that my four-year-old has requested. I’m attempting to be mindful as we play, soaking in her joy. Meanwhile, my toddler is yanking my hair as she leans over to grab a Nerf bullet I’ve strategically hidden on the windowsill, trying to keep it out of her breakfast plans. In the background, my eight and six-year-old boys are wrestling over the TV remote, one kicking the other, missing his target and sending a bowl of Goldfish crashing to the floor. My focus slips, and a wave of defeat washes over me.

This isn’t just a chaotic moment; it’s my everyday reality. With four energetic and rambunctious kids, my home feels like an unrefereed dodgeball match. My head is always on a swivel, my mind racing to prevent the next meltdown while my hands are perpetually full. I strive to stay present, just as social media incessantly advises. Articles and memes urge us to fully embrace these fleeting years, but the pressure to do so can feel overwhelming. So when someone suggests that I “be present,” my internal response is a resounding, “Enough already.”

I get the intention behind the advice—I truly do! It sounds supportive, especially in retrospect. Yet, I’m acutely aware of how vital it is to cherish this brief time with my children, and that awareness is precisely what makes it so challenging. The thought of my kids growing up crushes me daily. I picture a future devoid of little ones on the floor pulling my hair, and it leaves me breathless with sorrow. The expectation to create perfect moments of awareness only amplifies my anxiety. Being present amidst this chaos feels akin to trying to find stillness while riding a bull.

But I keep trying. Just last week, I revamped the basement playroom, crafting a nearly perfect Montessori-style setup for the girls, including engaging activities for the older boys. I was excited to reveal this new playscape after school, picturing an afternoon of family fun. I imagined sitting on the carpet, phone tucked away, diving into the magical world of play with my four little angels.

However, within moments, chaos erupted: a bloody foot, a broken stair tread, two sobbing children, and a ponytail smeared with peanut butter (don’t ask). Wood blocks went flying, crackers got ground into the carpet, and I swear the baby munched on a tiny high-heeled shoe.

And honestly, even when it’s just me and one or two kids spending quality time together, being present remains a struggle. Many stay-at-home moms I know juggle side hustles and responsibilities beyond the home. Although we might lack corporate titles, we’re working hard.

Mothering young kids is a beautiful whirlwind. It’s about discovering bugs in the backyard and enduring WWE-style wrestling matches. It’s quiet fairytale readings followed by grocery store meltdowns. It’s a constant barrage of questions, countless hugs, and a sea of mess. So, the ideal of presence, as society often portrays it for mothers, is nearly unattainable.

Instead of pushing moms to meet these unrealistic expectations, let’s offer compassion. Encourage them to celebrate small, achievable moments. Like catching a toothless grin right before the storm erupts over crusted sandwiches. When that meltdown happens, maybe she won’t feel so defeated.

Let’s applaud mothers for the multitude of tasks they manage simultaneously and acknowledge how remarkable it is that they carve out time for everything—even when it’s messy. Remind them that it’s okay to check emails during a game of Trouble or let their minds drift during bath time. With overflowing hearts and endless to-do lists, there simply isn’t enough time to give every task the attention it deserves.

And let’s allow moms to indulge in mindless activities like scrolling through their phones at the park or binge-watching reality shows during lunch. We cherish our lives and our children above all, but we also need our breaks.

Ultimately, we’re all doing our best. We’re enamored with these little humans and everything they do. We want to cherish every moment as if it were our last—to be present enough to engrave every little laugh, movement, and scent into our memories before time slips away. But we can’t, and we won’t. Life is loud and messy, and that’s perfectly fine.

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For additional perspectives, you can read about similar experiences in this blog post.

Summary

Navigating the challenges of motherhood can often feel overwhelming, especially when trying to maintain a sense of presence amidst the chaos. With four energetic kids, everyday life can resemble a whirlwind of activity and noise. While the pressure to fully embrace every moment is ever-present, it’s crucial to acknowledge the beauty in small, achievable moments of connection. By offering compassion and understanding, we can celebrate the realities of parenting and recognize that life is messy, and that’s okay.

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