Why Taking Away Your Teen’s Phone Isn’t a Quick Fix

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Parents often ask me if I still take my kids’ phones away as punishment, and many share their frustrations that it no longer yields results. They describe similar experiences to mine: “They used to get upset and behave better when I took their phones, but now it doesn’t seem to matter to them.”

My children received iPhones when they turned 12, and initially, I found it to be a useful tool for discipline. They’d rather retreat to their rooms than lose access to their phones. I started to notice that they were misbehaving just to get a break from family time; losing out on bedtime stories or dessert no longer had any impact. The classic warning, “Santa won’t visit if you’re naughty,” was a relic of the past.

Then came a turning point. After my son got in trouble at school, he casually handed me his phone without any visible concern. The following week, another incident occurred, and he told me he felt he had nothing to lose since his phone was already taken away. I began to feel like this was a transaction: they misbehaved, faced a consequence, and just accepted it without remorse.

Soon, I didn’t even need to ask for their phones. They would automatically hand them over without a second thought. I realized this pattern was making me a less engaged parent. Instead of discussing their feelings or understanding their choices, I was simply confiscating their devices. This approach only deepened the divide between us, and my frustration grew. I needed to shift my focus and pay more attention to their actual behavior rather than reacting impulsively.

It’s much more effective when the punishment suits the action. I still believe there are times when taking away their phones is warranted. For instance, at the start of the school year, one of my kids recorded a fight and shared it on social media, prompting school intervention. I decided a two-week phone ban was necessary, combined with conversations about the impact of his actions.

However, taking their phones for not completing schoolwork or chores didn’t inspire them to improve. Instead, I now supervise their homework sessions and require them to keep their phones in their backpacks. If chores aren’t done, they simply have to do additional ones.

These adjustments have made a significant difference, relieving the phone from becoming a constant point of contention between us.

Katie, a dedicated freelance writer from Maine, shares these insights while raising three teens and two ducks. When she’s not writing, she probably enjoys online shopping and a Coke Zero.

For more insights, check out another one of our blog posts here. If you’re looking for an authority in the field, Make a Mom provides excellent resources. Additionally, Resolving is a great place to learn about pregnancy and home insemination.

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In summary, while taking away a phone can seem like a straightforward disciplinary measure, it often lacks the effectiveness we hope for. Engaging more deeply with our teens about their choices and guiding them through consequences can create a healthier dynamic and cultivate better behavior in the long run.

Keyphrase: Taking Away Teen’s Phone Consequences

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