Updated: August 7, 2023
Originally Published: August 4, 2023
Every mother can relate to the chaos that ensues before a family vacation. It’s a whirlwind of laundry, errands, pet care arrangements, and planning for every conceivable scenario to keep the kids entertained (and safe) on the journey. The packing, cleaning, and list-making seem endless, often draining the excitement out of the trip itself. That is, until the trip is sans family.
Taking a break from the kids and partner is a rare indulgence, even if it’s just a work trip to a small town in Arkansas. You may find yourself in a budget hotel without Wi-Fi, but without kids or a spouse? That’s a luxury in itself! However, even these solo outings require considerable prep, often equal to what it takes for a family road trip. Instead of organizing everyone’s bags and ensuring the neighbor is on watering duty, we fret over how to minimize the workload for our husbands.
This means making a grocery run to stock the fridge and preparing freezer meals. The house is tidied up, and daily outfits for the kids are laid out. As for the activities we usually manage, like playdates and library trips? Those get left off the calendar since they might be too overwhelming for him to juggle alone.
Now, let’s pause and reflect: do men feel the need to micromanage when they’re away? Spoiler alert: they don’t.
My partner, Jake, often travels for work; sometimes he’s gone for a couple of days, and other times for weeks or even months. His “to-do” list before heading to the airport is remarkably simple: pack a bag. And you know what? That’s perfectly fine. I’m an adult fully capable of running our household. He recognizes this, so he doesn’t spend the week before his departure worrying about whether the sheets are fresh or if the milk will expire while he’s gone. Yes, it’s a challenge when he’s away, but it’s manageable because I enjoy his company and miss him dearly.
Mothers shouldn’t feel guilty about leaving their husbands with a house that isn’t perfectly prepped. Just pack your bag and go! Don’t have time for grocery shopping before you dash off? Your husband can jot down a list and handle it himself. Plus, he’ll likely get some compliments for taking the kids shopping, so really, you’re doing him a favor!
Sure, you might cringe when your kids FaceTime you wearing outfits that look like they survived a laundry explosion, but trust me, they’ll survive some questionable fashion choices. Everything will be just fine.
And let’s clarify one thing: returning home to a chaotic disaster zone? Not acceptable. Yes, he may be tired after a long day, but it’s not too much to ask for him to load the dishwasher or scoop the litter box. I don’t expect a spotless home upon my return, but I also don’t want to come back to a house that resembles a frat party aftermath.
Fathers are not babysitters; they are partners sharing the responsibilities of parenthood and household management. If we don’t recognize their capabilities, our partnership weakens.
When I recently traveled, aside from providing a brief overview of the week’s schedule, I let Jake handle the rest. I focused on preparing for my trip without worrying about every little detail at home because I trust he can manage it. He knows how to wipe down counters and can figure out meals for himself and our kids.
Our partners shouldn’t feel burdened or resentful if we don’t set up a perfectly organized environment for them while we’re away. They are adults. We don’t need to guide them through every household task. In fact, they deserve more recognition for the efforts they put in.
The house is as much his as it is mine. The kids? They’re his too. The food? Of course he eats it! There’s no reason he can’t handle the responsibilities of these things while you enjoy your time away.
If you believe your husband wouldn’t manage without your guidance, stop holding his hand. Let him navigate on his own—you might be pleasantly surprised by his capabilities.
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Summary:
Mothers often go to great lengths to prepare for family vacations, but when they leave the household in the care of their partners, they should feel confident that their husbands can manage. Fathers are equal partners in parenting and household responsibilities, and it’s important to trust them to handle things while mom is away. Confidence in each other’s capabilities strengthens the family dynamic, allowing both parents to thrive in their respective roles.