We refer to it as her defiant expression. This is when my 7-year-old Ava tilts her head, locks eyes with me, and presses her lips into a firm line. Then, without fail, she does the exact opposite of what I just instructed her not to do.
“Don’t drink any more water before bed,” I tell her, and she flashes the defiant expression and guzzles more water anyway. Just the other day, while attending my son’s basketball game, my spouse warned Ava not to step onto the adjacent court with her friend. Ava turned to give that same look and strolled right onto the court.
Every time she serves me that look, I often respond with, “Cut it out! Don’t you dare look at me like that! Who do you think you are?” Yet, predictably, she continues to do her own thing.
Like all children, Ava is a complex individual. However, she is undoubtedly the most headstrong of our three kids. She relishes the idea of getting her way and consistently tests the boundaries.
Before I became a parent, I would listen to my sister lament about her daughter—how she never followed rules, always had something to say, and acted as if she were in charge. I reassured her that this merely indicated her daughter was developing a strong-willed personality, which I considered a positive trait. “She’ll grow up to be a CEO or a politician,” I would say. My sister would shoot me a look that clearly said, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
It turns out, I actually did know what I was talking about. A 2015 study from the American Psychological Association reveals that strong-willed children who often defy authority are more inclined to become high-achieving adults with lucrative careers.
I recognize this can be difficult to digest, but here we are.
The research focused on children aged 8 to 12, analyzing various personality traits such as academic diligence, feelings of entitlement, and crucially, defiance. Four decades later, the researchers followed up with these individuals, now adults, and discovered that rebelliousness as a child was a significant predictor of high income later in life.
So, what does this imply for me, a father of a fiercely determined girl? I suppose it instills a sense of hope (I’m striving for optimism here). Like any parent, my ultimate aspiration is for my daughter to evolve into a successful and independent woman. Based on this study, she’s already on the right path.
However, it’s important to note that the study does not clarify why there’s a link between stubbornness in children and future success. In an article by Time discussing the research, expert Donna Gorman suggests that such children might be more competitive academically, leading to superior grades. They may also be more assertive as adults, confidently negotiating salaries and advocating for their financial interests, even if it annoys peers.
These traits are certainly advantageous in adulthood but can be exasperating in children. So, the next time you witness a child throwing a tantrum in a store and think, “That kid needs to learn some respect,” remember not to judge the parent—that’s just rude. Instead, consider that this child might just be destined to be someone’s boss one day.
I must admit, I find solace in this study. There are nights I lie awake, pondering who my daughter will become. I often wonder if she will ever move past her defiant expression or stop talking back. Yet, perhaps I should focus instead on all the doors she will stubbornly push open.
In a world where gender inequality persists, with wage gaps and the glaring glass ceiling for women, I can’t help but feel that if anyone can shatter the status quo, it’s my fiery and fiercely stubborn daughter.
Thinking about it this way makes the challenges of parenting feel a bit easier to bear. Raising children is a significant gamble; like most parents, I frequently question whether I’m doing it wrong. I worry that one misstep could lead to my child becoming some sort of public nuisance or, even worse, a reality television star.
However, studies like this offer comfort. They reassure me that while my daughter may be challenging to manage now, her stubbornness might just be part of a larger plan that paves the way for her remarkable future.
So, to all the parents of strong-willed, stubborn children—those little ones who stomp their feet, bend the rules, and flash that defiant look—take heart. If this study holds true, this phase is just temporary. In time, your persistent child will make you so proud that all those exasperating moments will be worth it.
Lord help us.
For those interested in more parenting insights and resources, check out Modern Family Blog. And if you’re looking for ways to boost fertility, explore these fertility supplements. Additionally, the World Health Organization provides excellent resources related to pregnancy.
Summary
This article discusses the positive attributes of having a strong-willed child, emphasizing research that suggests stubborn children are more likely to succeed in adulthood. It reassures parents facing the challenges of raising determined kids that their traits could lead to future achievements, making the parenting journey worthwhile.