Mental Health
That Moment When It Feels Like You’re About to Snap
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Some affirmations for those instances when you think you might throw the tablet out the window. Written by Jamie Rivers Updated: Feb. 20, 2024
“I’m going to toss the iPad out the window!” Those were the words I bellowed one ordinary Monday evening, loud enough for the neighbors to hear. The irony? I’m a therapist dedicated to helping people manage and cope with their emotions. Yet, in that moment, I was so far from regulating my feelings that I barely recognized myself.
Before you judge me as unqualified to help others, let me set the scene. It was nearly 6 PM… and perhaps that’s all I need to say, because we all understand the post-dinner, pre-bedtime chaos is real. My partner was at work, leaving me solo, the kids were worn out from a busy weekend, my 4-year-old was throwing a tantrum over the “gross” dinner, and I was mentally drained from a full day of client sessions, struggling to hold it all together for everyone except myself.
My kids, ages 6 and 7, often oscillate between being best friends and worst enemies. On that fateful night, they were arguing over the iPad (again). When one of them screamed like a siren, I felt my adrenaline and cortisol spike, igniting a fiery ball of frustration inside me, and I just… lost it. My youngest two ran to another room in tears, while my oldest looked at me, confusion and fear in her eyes, softly asking, “Mommy?” It seemed I wasn’t the only one startled by my own reaction that evening.
As someone who typically doesn’t lose her temper easily, the emotional ups and downs of parenthood can be overwhelming. Sometimes, my words escape before I can rein them in. Luckily, I’m skilled at apologizing, and the past few years of challenging parenting have given me ample chances to get it right. So, I apologized, they forgave me, and we moved on, as life goes.
Here’s the reality: regardless of how prepared we think we are as parents or how much we know about child development and emotional regulation, we are all human, reactive, and imperfect. No one is exempt from the trials of raising young children—not even that seemingly perfect mom on social media who shares organic meals and yoga sessions with her kids. I assure you, we all feel the weight of uncertainty and constant demands, especially in a world that often overlooks the needs of parents, particularly mothers. Mothers frequently feel overwhelmed, undervalued, and utterly exhausted.
But we are also resilient, grateful, and quite remarkable when it comes to managing our responsibilities. That’s the beauty of motherhood: it’s a delicate balance of holding the complexities of life. We can love our children fiercely and still feel drained by their endless needs. We can appreciate being mothers while craving moments for ourselves. We can make mistakes, learn from them, and still recognize our worth. Fortunately, each day brings another chance to improve. By acknowledging our imperfections and understanding that we are learning alongside our children, we grant ourselves the grace to grow. With that in mind, here are some affirmations for those moments when you feel like you’re about to explode.
“Deep breaths are a mom’s best friend.”
Next time your children start squabbling and you feel the urge to explode, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. It might sound cliché, but there’s a valid reason therapists emphasize breathing. One of the most effective things you can do when emotions run high is to interrupt your nervous system’s automatic responses with deep inhales for a count of 4 and exhales for 6. Simple deep breaths can truly prevent you from turning into a “momster” or, in my case, shouting at your kids.
“It’s okay to feel exactly how I feel.”
Contrary to what well-intentioned parents may have taught us, all emotions are valid—and yes, it’s perfectly fine for “big girls” to cry too. After using your breath to calm down, it’s essential to validate your feelings by recognizing your humanity. It’s entirely reasonable to feel overwhelmed when a small child reacts dramatically over a simple request.
“I will not abandon myself.”
When we consistently prioritize everyone else, we risk burnout. Just as we wouldn’t expect a car to run without a charged battery, we can’t give what we don’t have. Reflecting on the times I’ve lost my cool, it’s never truly about the children; they’re just being kids. It’s about my depleted energy reserves and the lack of time to nurture my own well-being. Burnout leaves us feeling exhausted and irritable. So, as challenging as it may be, it’s crucial to carve out time for yourself and rediscover who you are beyond being a mom. This doesn’t mean a simple pedicure (though those are nice); it means engaging with your own interests and curiosities again. While we can’t change the demanding nature of motherhood, we can shift the narrative for ourselves and our children by not sacrificing all of ourselves to the role of a mom.