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One chilly Sunday evening in January, my partner tucked our 2.5-year-old daughter, Lily, into her crib and went about his routine. Moments later, she proudly appeared in our bedroom, declaring, “I climbed out!” This unexpected event signaled that the time had come to shift from crib to bed—a transition we’d jokingly considered postponing until her teenage years. The very next night, we took the plunge. I was not ready.
Most toddlers make the leap from crib to bed between 18 months and 3 years of age. This variance means that parents are often left to rely on their instincts while weighing the “signs” that sleep experts suggest indicate it’s time for the switch. One crucial sign, which I learned far too late, is that it’s generally best to wait until age 3 for this transition. “Young toddlers are eager to assert their independence, but they lack the reasoning skills to navigate the change,” explains sleep consultant Emma Rivera. “Switching to a big kid bed prematurely can lead to intense and unproductive power struggles.” Research also shows that two-year-olds struggle with impulse control, making it difficult for them to stay in bed at night or when they wake up.
We quickly discovered our mistake.
Lily had always been a fantastic sleeper since we sleep-trained her at five months. However, after the transition, she began waking up multiple times during the night; bedtime became a drawn-out battle, often exceeding an hour; and she was up before dawn, ready to greet the day.
There’s a wealth of advice on managing the sleep disruptions that accompany moving a toddler to a bed, but little has been shared about the impact on parents—an effect that is hard to underestimate. We had enjoyed two years of a child who peacefully stayed in her crib from 7 PM to 7 AM and napped for two hours. As any parent knows, those hours are pure gold—time to be productive, relax, or simply enjoy a moment of peace without the demands of a tiny human.
Now, those hours are anything but certain. The removal of the crib, a significant element of parental control, has left us feeling powerless. While healthy parenting isn’t about power dynamics (“Above all, we want to avoid power struggles with our kids,” says Rivera), it certainly makes things easier when you have an advantage.
In those blissful crib days, after Lily went to sleep, I would curl up in my office armchair, reading while listening to her soothing babble until she drifted off. Now, that same chair is less inviting. Every few minutes, her door swings open, accompanied by a new request: she needs to use the potty; she needs her favorite socks; she needs to know why I’m upstairs and why her dad is downstairs.
In these instances, I can feel my patience waning, frustration bubbling just beneath the surface. I try to adhere to the experts’ advice—calmly and firmly reminding her that it’s bedtime and she must return to bed. But soon, the desperation of my situation sets in. I have no control over when (or if!) my daughter will sleep, and I’m reminded of the dread that accompanied those early newborn months, the fear of never sleeping again. In my weakest moments, I resort to threats—taking away toys or suggesting a return to the crib—and while they sometimes yield results, they are tactics I strive to avoid using.
The most challenging consequence of our new sleep issues is that it has made me a less present parent during the day. Without my guaranteed hours of solitude, I find myself racing through bedtime, hoping to finish quickly enough to grab a moment for myself before my own sleep. The mornings after particularly rough nights are filled with a mix of love and resentment when I wake to her smiling face at 6:15. I love her dearly, but I can’t help but feel robbed of my own time.
This transition serves as a poignant reminder of what parenthood often asks of you: the willingness to sacrifice personal pleasures for the love of your child. When Lily won’t stay in bed at night or in the morning, I first think of all that I lose. I can’t finish my show on Netflix or sneak into my office for some quiet writing. All I can do is gently guide her back to bed, over and over again.
Yet, I remind myself that this, like the newborn phase, is just a fleeting moment in time. Soon enough, she’ll be shutting her bedroom door to keep me out, and that room will eventually be empty, leaving me with uninterrupted nights and peaceful mornings. It may sound sentimental, but it’s true. And it softens the reality that I may never win this power struggle, especially when I find myself searching for her beloved stuffed unicorn, which, I’ve just learned, is essential for her to fall asleep.
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Summary:
Transitioning from a crib to a big kid bed can be a difficult challenge for both toddlers and parents. This experience can lead to sleepless nights and power struggles, highlighting the sacrifices parents make for their children. Though the journey may feel exhausting, it’s a temporary phase that eventually leads to independence for both parent and child.
Keyphrase: Toddler bed transition
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