Why I Don’t Enforce a Screen Time Limit for My Child

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This is one of those moments where I feel like I’m tossing a bomb into a conversation and bracing for the fallout. Here it goes: I really don’t mind how much television my four-year-old consumes. While I do impose restrictions on certain content—steering clear of the typical violent, explicit, or inappropriate material, as well as unboxing videos and certain popular shows—I don’t impose a limit on the amount of time he spends in front of a screen.

To be fair, my son doesn’t actually watch that much—maybe an hour a day on weekdays, spread out before and after preschool, and somewhat more on weekends. Often, he doesn’t ask to watch anything at all. I believe this is because we’ve never treated TV as a forbidden fruit. Conventional wisdom suggests that tightening control over something makes kids desire it more intensely. Generally, he’ll watch for a bit, then ask to go ride his bike or need help with an art project, or he’ll just wander off to play. His relationship with screens is quite relaxed, at least for now. If that changes, we’ll reassess, but I generally prefer to keep things low-key.

Moreover, when he does watch, he’s not just zoning out. He frequently glances up to check the color of Goofy’s hat to finish his drawing. He rushes to grab a book about sea creatures after Captain Barnacle from The Octonauts mentions cuttlefish. He engages with concepts like particles and light waves after watching Ask the StoryBots explain why the sky is blue. For him, “watching” is an interactive exploration that expands his mind rather than dulls it. Even during the delightful Mickey Mouse animated shorts, he questions why a character is feeling a certain way or wonders what a mysterious object is (a tollbooth, Turkish delight, roller-skates). The primary aim of parenting is to educate our children about how the world works and how to navigate it. Why can’t the glowing screen in our living room, brimming with information, assist in that learning process?

As any concerned parent can recite, the authorities (like the American Academy of Pediatrics) have determined that children should avoid screens until they’re at least two, and after that, their screen time should be capped at one hour per day. I respect science; I’m not one of those parents who relies on “research” from social media. The studies linking screens and young kids are indeed fascinating and informative. It turns out toddlers often struggle to learn from screens because they don’t perceive what they see as part of their real world. In one study, toddlers watched a video of a toy being hidden in an adjacent room, and when taken there, few were able to find it; they didn’t connect the video to reality. Yet when the TV was disguised as a window, they easily located the toy. To young children, TV is merely a fake, while a window represents reality.

Given this understanding, it’s hard to argue that watching shows like Baby Einstein will turn toddlers into geniuses, and it seems reasonable to think that every hour spent watching could be an hour of lost enrichment. However, I don’t see why occasional screen time is detrimental to children under two, and I certainly don’t view it as a dire disservice. Research indicates that co-viewing with an adult, who helps interpret the content, can enhance a little one’s ability to absorb information from what they watch. I’d argue this applies not just to educational content. For instance, while watching Finding Nemo, a parent could point out Marlon’s sad expression in the opening scene and say, “He looks sad.” They could also identify the vast ocean in the wide shots and explain, “That’s the ocean; it’s enormous.” That’s learning, too. When my son saw the Atlantic for the first time at two, he exclaimed, “Whoa, big ocean!”

The current screen time anxiety feels like just another moral panic. In the eighties, it was parents “abandoning” their kids for work; in the nineties, it was children playing violent video games; nowadays, we’re supposedly ruining their brains with movies like Zootopia. Isn’t it curious how parents are always seen as doing something wrong? If your 18-month-old watches a movie during a flight, you’re not going to get sent to parenting jail. If your 23-month-old enjoys the calming narration of David Attenborough in Planet Earth II while you blow-dry your hair, that’s perfectly fine.

I should note that using the argument “I watched a lot of TV as a kid and turned out fine” doesn’t hold much weight for me. We should strive to improve our parenting compared to our parents, as we have the benefit of learning from their mistakes. More importantly, we should aim for something better than just “fine.” What I’m saying is that TV is supporting my child’s curiosity and understanding of the world, not hindering it. I approach screen time similarly to how I view intuitive eating at home. If your child understands that food isn’t something to be anxious about, that it isn’t criminalized or scarce, they will develop a balanced relationship with it. They learn moderation naturally, which is something you cannot force; they need the freedom to explore.

If the standard AAP screen time guidelines resonate with you, that’s wonderful. If your kids would struggle to disengage from the couch if you allowed unlimited TV and require boundaries, that’s also great—every parent knows what’s best for their child. My point is that, aside from dangerous situations (like letting them juggle knives or skipping vaccinations), every parent should make choices that feel right for their family. For me, that means addressing real issues in my son’s world, like the classmate who told him blue is for boys and pink is for girls (thanks, Alex) or his allergies, which he’s starting to grasp (try explaining to a four-year-old why he can’t have a donut hole). Parenting is already filled with challenges and worries. Why would I want to add something that has been largely positive in my child’s life to my list of concerns? I would much rather cuddle with him while we learn about mudskippers, how the human ear works, or what Saturn’s rings are made of—and enjoy the peace that comes from not treating every aspect of parenthood like it’s a life-or-death situation.

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Summary:

This article discusses the author’s perspective on screen time for children, particularly focusing on their four-year-old son. It highlights the importance of moderation and parental engagement while viewing content, arguing that not all screen time is detrimental. The author encourages parents to make informed choices based on their unique child’s needs and to focus on real-life parenting challenges.

Keyphrase: Screen Time for Kids

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