Things Are Improving, So Why Is My Anxiety Heightening?

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Mental Health

The past couple of years have stripped away my protective layers, leaving me feeling exposed like a turtle without its shell.

By Jamie Lee
April 5, 2023
Image Source: Westend61/Getty Images

I am well-acquainted with anxiety; in fact, I consider myself an expert. From being pulled away from my mother each morning in school to worrying incessantly during organized events, my anxiety has been a constant companion. I panicked before school presentations and often left sleepovers early, overwhelmed by my nerves. I remember crying on the sidewalk outside my college dorm, heart racing, wishing my parents would take me back home.

My life has often felt like navigating a minefield. After years of therapy and personal growth, I’ve built safe spaces and established healthy boundaries that allow me to enjoy life. However, in recent times, my anxiety seems to have intensified, even as Covid restrictions ease and some positivity begins to emerge. So why do I feel more anxious than ever?

The past two years have eroded the protective layers I had carefully constructed. I now feel like a turtle without her shell, with my nervous system exposed to the outside world. Simple tasks like grocery shopping trigger my anxiety; I find myself worrying about my toddler choking on a blueberry or leaving events early, convinced that someone is upset with me.

I recently attended a workout class for the first time in ages, diving straight into a high-intensity session without warming up. I knew I would be sore afterward, but the pain hit me like a freight train the next morning. A former gym buddy of mine used to call this the “forty-eight hour effect,” and I think I’m experiencing a similar phenomenon now.

For two years, I lived in a constant state of fear for myself and my family. While life is slowly returning to normal, my mind seems to be lagging behind. Perhaps it pushed me through those challenging times, only to be left reeling now, grappling with exhaustion and anxiety. The relentless changes, worries, and unpredictability of the last two years have taken their toll.

On top of all that, the world remains chaotic, with ongoing issues from climate change to geopolitical tensions. Covid has shattered my ability to compartmentalize stress. As a closet introvert, retreating into my shell during the pandemic has left its mark. I had been working hard to strengthen my social skills for the sake of my family, forcing myself to engage in social events. But now, I feel like I’m back at the starting line, overwhelmed by the thought of interacting with others.

My brain has always leaned towards worst-case scenarios, and being bombarded with anxiety-inducing information during such a pivotal time—especially while welcoming my fourth child—has left me in a perpetual state of heightened worry. I feel as if my baseline calm has shifted, leaving me in a constant state of high alert, which is problematic. I feel off-balance, irritable, and on edge.

Is this heightened anxiety a normal reaction to parenting during a global pandemic? Perhaps. Even as things lighten up, I feel burnt out and overwhelmed. I’m just trying to keep moving forward until it all settles down.

I know I need to give myself time to recalibrate. I will discard any expectations and stop questioning my mental state because the truth is, I’ve navigated a global pandemic while parenting and giving birth. Recovering from that will take more than just a couple of days. I will continue my therapy, adjust my medication, engage in regular physical activity, and cherish my family. I’ll push through the panic and lean into logic when my thoughts spiral out of control. I will connect with friends who are grappling with similar feelings. And eventually, things will begin to feel lighter. Hopefully.

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Summary:

Navigating the aftermath of a global pandemic has left many feeling exposed and anxious. Despite the world slowly returning to normal, the emotional toll of recent years has created heightened anxiety for many, especially for parents. As we move forward, it’s essential to acknowledge our feelings and allow ourselves the time and space to heal.

Keyphrase: Anxiety After Pandemic
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